"You are useless and will never amount to anything in life" These were the exact words that my father filled my ears with, daily.
I am the only child of my father, I told him that my mum passed on after birthing me. Ever since I was a child, I had always wondered if Dad was my real father because of the way he treated me. He would look for any reason or opportunity to insult me, telling me how useless I was and how I would end up as a nonentity.
I remember how much I had tried just to please him and be in his good book, but no! nothing I do will ever please him. He just hated me, he accuses me of being the cause of my mother's death, but how could he blame me for my own mother's death? why? I was just an innocent baby, was it my fault that mum died after birthing me?. I asked myself every time.
At a point, I began to hate him. I hated him so much for the words he said to me and the effect they had on me. I loathed him for making me hate myself. I wish he was dead, instead of mum. I was better off fatherless than having such a father. I questioned God for giving me such kind of father. I was filled with hatred, anger, and frustration. I almost gave up on life.
Sometimes, I think of suicide, maybe I was better dead than alive, of what use Is living if I would end up, not amounting to anything in life, just like my father would always tell me, but then, I never had the courage to take my life.
Because of the way my father treated me, I hated men, I was scared of getting married to a man that will treat me the way my dad treated me, I believed that all men were the same. I was careful to guard my heart against falling in love, love does not exist as long as I was concerned.
All the notions I had about men disappeared into the wind, the moment Micheal came into my life. Like a knight in shining armor, he swept me off my feet, and like a thief in the night, he stole my heart away and I found myself falling helplessly in love with him.
He made me believe in love again. He introduced me to the world of romance, he gave me wings to fly and made me believe in myself again. I never knew love could be so beautiful. He promised to always make me happy and never give me reasons to be sad.
The worst mistake I ever made was believing him. I believed everything he said and I gave him all of the me_My spirit, my soul, and my body. I gave him my heart to guard but guess what?? he broke it into irredeemable pieces, he turned my fairy tale into a nightmare. Micheal proved to me that indeed true love does not exist.
I was a fool for ever believing that I would ever find love. My father was right, after all, I am useless and also dumb for not seeing that Micheal was just a player, he was only deceiving me.