August 10, 2022
The current contest of Hive Learners just coincides with what I felt recently.
"Coping With Stress"
I've been battling with my mind recently which ruined my tranquility along with getting sick physically that just rub salt into the wound. Emotions were overflowing along with the thoughts in my mind. I seemed hesitant to let them out, as my mind thought of the consequences, of the feedback of others. I always tell myself not to live in other people's heads, but I always fall on the same spot, and it seemed difficult to purge my mind to start with a clean slate, to a more peaceful one.
Even the advice of @Olasquare whom I considered an uncle and mentor on this platform seems not working. And as I have told him in his post about Purge Yourself,
I hope it's easy to purge oneself. Once you get a stain, people will only look at it no matter how you clean it. I think we need to purge people with negative mindsets instead...
And every time I can't express my feelings due to possible unfavorable feedback from others, those emotions and thoughts just pile up until they get overloaded and would suddenly burst out that are much harder to bear.
What makes me think negatively when all I want to do is to get better? I feel like I belong to those groups with negative mindsets that need to be purged badly.
It always boils down to this culprit, DOUBT, I SELF-DOUBT, which leads to doubting others and STRESS.
Due to this doubt, I became demotivated and I lost the desire to interact genuinely with others online. The once excitement in blogging lost its spark despite engaging with others. I once shared my thoughts on a post about this matter on another platform, but the reply I received just made me lose the spark I once had. It gave a pang in my heart, it demotivated me. I doubted myself.
There are points that I think that there is something wrong with everything around me, but I can't figure it out. Or is there something wrong with me that I can't figure out? My mind failed to produce an answer either and just made it more complicated. The more I think about it, the more doubts are forming, both about myself and others.
I doubted others and thought if people I'm mingling with can still be trusted. Some are trying to form a smile in front of me, but as I turn my back, an unfavorable act would happen. Can you blame me if I doubt them? But sometimes I feel like someone who is just trying to fit myself into their small box. Despite having not enough space, I still want to occupy the little space in the corner. I feel like I'm being forgotten and that's disheartening. Or was it all in my mind?
This illogical fear is forming doubt about others that I can't trust their compliments anymore. My intuition towards other people is sometimes right anyway. Well, I can feel that there is something wrong and something that I can't change about them anymore. I don't even think this rant has a point, as there isn't someone reading posts per word.
And at some points, I will self-doubt. I would doubt myself as I seem not to improve despite the long period of doing the same routine, compared to those I know who seem to excel in this field. Oftentimes I would ask myself, what have I really got here? Did I really enhance my skills? But why do I still seem amateur and incompetent? Or is it just because of distractions that often halt my mind to produce better write-ups? Or is it because of those carpers who tend to mind my work so I just opt to write the typical random ones? They are big distractions and hindrances to my improvement. Their doubts made me doubt myself as well.
I would doubt my decision and I seem uncertain of what I am doing anymore. I am uncertain if I am really heading on the right track. So oftentimes I would pause and stare blankly at the horizon. I don't want to think. I don't want to feel anything either. I just want to find some peace of mind.
Coping with self-doubt and stress
These doubts became stress that badly needed to be scraped off the soonest. But sometimes I would ask myself, do I deserve these doubts? The world is so judgemental. However, nothing is perfect, and so I am. Maybe, what I truly need is to purge myself.
Life will either bless us or bury us Janey and it doesn't matter what people say about you but what you say to yourself. People will always talk and everyone is responsible for their choices. I wish we can purge other people's characters but sadly we can't. We are responsible for ourselves.
-Olasquare
What other people will think or say about me doesn't matter, but what I think and say about myself, as uncle Ola said. And to doubt myself was my biggest mistake. I've said this before but I seemed to forget about it, " if the world doubts you, never doubt yourself." Easier said than done. But I doubted myself again.
But sometimes, those motivations aren't enough to divert my mind. I just want to do either of these two to end this dilemma: STOP or IGNORE.
However, to stop means to end everything, to let go of everything, and just go back to my old life. But it is too tough to bear. To ignore can not guarantee that it won't happen again, as people will always say something against me that can trigger self-doubt again. And these options are pointless.
The other options...
Walk in nature. This is what I always yearn for every time I feel heavy and weary. This is somehow proven effective to lessen stress as I always feel comfortable and lighter when I am in nature. I always look for green that could calm my mind, where I could breathe fresher air.
Breathe. All I need is to breathe out those heavy feelings before they become heavier. All I need is to seek light and look for motivations, divert my negative thoughts into positive ones, and if possible, shut those negative thoughts down.
Shut my mind. At some points, I badly need this, as not all that my mind produces are sensible or helpful, but rather distractions, overwhelming thoughts of distractions. And the only way to clear my mind with preoccupied thoughts is to shut them down. So I better sleep and rest more to recharge my body and clear those overwhelming thoughts from my mind.
Self-reflect and think about my achievements instead. One main reason for this self-doubt is I tend to mind my mistakes in the past and other people's minds. I tend to doubt my own abilities. However, looking at how far I've come, I can't deny the fact that I acquired a lot that I can consider achievements. That I'm not as incapable, dumb, and naive as other people think I am, that I thought I am. Rather, I can do more and better.
Seek help from Him. At the end of the day, if all the aforementioned aren't working, that's when I seek help from God above. I just offer all my mistakes, negative emotions and feelings, worries, problems, and doubts to Him, hoping that the next day, everything is fresh and I could start anew with no worries in my mind and heart anymore.
Never let self-doubt hold you captive
I shouldn't think negatively about myself regardless of the negative words the world throws at me. As the adage says,
Background image mine, edited on Canva and Quote from: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/15762667432709813/
Nothing can stop this doubt but only me. There is only one way to end the battle with my mind, which is to escape from being captive by self-doubt and just believe in my infinite potential regardless of what people think about me.
Background image mine, edited on Canva and Quote from: https://glassboxofemotion.com/self-doubt-quotes/
I've been through a lot of ups and downs, and conquered storms and this trial is just a small percentage of how far I had traveled. And those people doubting me that made me doubt myself as well are not actually worth minding. This is something I always forget that I need to constantly remind myself not to mind what other people will think about me to avoid self-doubt.
It's not their words and minds that matter, it's what I will say and think about myself and how I will deal with every situation.
So if you feel like you are in the same boat with me, never let self-doubt hold you captive!
(All photos are mine)
