Every human has a distinctive nature, over time I have discovered I have an irregular way of thinking, I live hundreds of years in my imagination not just thought of fantasy and myths. A combination of actual realistic plans of how each of my actions will turn out in the future. it feels like peeping into the future, like a vision in my imagination of what is yet to be. it has always been this way for as far back as I can remember. Call it deep thinking but it is more than that, I have always find it difficult to live in the present. My mind is always occupied with possible results of my actions and how it correlate with my expectations of the future depriving me of the fun in the present.
When people talk of living in the moment as a possible determinant of happiness mine seems to be the opposite. I live in the future even if it is just in my imagination but it feels like it, the thought of knowing what is up ahead makes me feel at ease. someone once said I'm terrified of the future or uncertainties that is why I spend so much time thinking of how to prepare for it. probably I'm, I live my whole life in the known, only the known is safe, only the known is certain. there are a lot of variables to consider in life, the thought of being ignorant of something I should have known is something I can't afford.
As fun as the world of my imagination could be, believe me it is. you have no idea how it feels to know the outcomes of almost everything around you, though there might be changes since nothing in life is truly constant apart from change itself. In a mythical movie I watched some time ago, there was a quote that resonates with me a lot. it says "Those whose mind transcends boundaries of the moment have no respect for the present" though it is a quote from a mythical movie but I can't say the statement is entirely untrue.
This way of thinking was never a real problem till I start feeling time is moving slower than usual, I know it sounds weird. imagine having a detailed plan of this moment till 20 years from now, every details of the plans laid out perfectly. adjusting the plan every moment to make room for emerging uncertainties. All that is left is for the 20th year to appear but no, you are still stuck in the first year living every moment bit by bit with the results more than a decade far away. they say patience is key for long term goals, I get the idea but why does it feel like I'm stuck in the present, reliving every moment I have imagined already. Like some sort of deja vu but the only difference is only my mind has lived beyond the present but my physical state has not.
Believe me I have tried to keep my mind occupied with matters of the present but it is never enough. relying only on the thought of the present is like a human surviving only on tofu, it might be sufficient to keep a human alive but never well fed. How do I match this present time with my imaginations to ensure both goes in line with each other? I'm not capable of controlling the curious nature of my mind since it is an act that occurs in my subconscious neither can I manipulate time to move in the same pace as my mind.
I have learnt a lot about patience through meditation and all but it all boils down to one technique which is keeping my mind in control and ensuring I stay in the present. as easy as its sound, it is easier said than done. Here I'm seeking a solution in the knowledge of my readers hoping to hear of something that will assist me in managing my thoughts and to learn how to be content with the present.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "What's your problem" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
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