McBarth™ Obeya
If you are a Nigerian, then you will most likely understand the quote written up there. But for those who don’t understand, it’s written in pidgin English and it basically says that it is possible for you to have money in your bank and still die of starvation. And then, we have the “author”. That name doesn’t really exist. It’s just another sentence written in pidgin, and it warns that there will be more trouble to come.
Nigeria is going through one of her worst times since the civil war, and of course, trust my fellow Nigerians to find a way to get comic relief out of it. The quote written up there might sound threatening and come with a sense of foreboding, but that is not the effect it has on us. As a matter of fact, we find it funny. These days, many of us have turned to comedy to keep sane because, with the way things are going, we all need something that will distract us from the harsh realities life keeps doling out to us.
If you are a constant reader of my blogs, then you know very well that I have spoken about the state Nigeria is in economically at the moment. I’ve talked about how inflation has us all in a chokehold and fuel scarcity is all but crippling us, and then when you factor in the insecurity that is ravaging the land, you’ll think it can’t get any worse right?
That, my good friend, is where you will be very wrong.
Sometime last year, the Central Bank of Nigeria announced that they would be changing the naira notes, and later in the year, they introduced to us what looked like a dyed version of the old notes. We were all encouraged to deposit our old notes in the bank and collect the new ones. Even a deadline was given so that people would feel the urgency of the situation. If you still had old notes by the time the deadline lapsed, the note would become obsolete and worthless to you.
So, you can imagine how everyone rushed to deposit their money, it would be terrible to lose a huge sum of money just because the notes went out of date. We all deposited the money and got ready for the new notes. We went over the counter and to the ATMs and… no money! For some reason, new notes were scarce and banks were still issuing old notes. As the deadline loomed, people were getting more and more desperate, the notes were only being given sparingly so that they would go around, and that was not enough. And now, there are no old notes and there are no new notes! You have money in the bank, but it’s out of reach for you. You can’t cash it, and the only way you can make use of it is if you pay for your purchases through a transfer or card. But at the level Nigeria is in, there are some things we can never pay for through electronic means. Like transport, the normal day-to-day shopping of the average Nigerian and what have you. So, that is the origin of the quote. Because it’s really frustrating that you will be dying of hunger, not because you are poor and without money. You will have the money but no means to access it. It’s becoming really ugly out there, most banks in the country will explicitly tell you they have no cash, and the ones that do have will give it out grudgingly as if it’s their money. I even heard the story of a Bank Manager that was hoarding money meant to be dispensed at the ATM. People are just capitalizing on this situation and milking it for all its worth. I heard that some banks are selling money to people. Yeah, crazy right? Take for instance you want to withdraw N10,000 from your account, they would withdraw an extra thousand or even two thousand. Why are we doing this to ourselves? I can vouch for this particular bit though because I’ve not seen it happen yet. What I have actually seen happen is protests breaking out all over the country, mobs breaking into banks, and chaos taking over. The country is turning on its head, and as usual, our leaders are busy being “unaware”. Elections are drawing nearer and nearer, you would think these guys would be doing better so to at least try and charm us into voting them in. But no, they are making what’s already bad way worse! If this continues at this rate, I’m scared of the state the country will be in when election day finally comes. But no matter what they do, no matter their plan, on that day, we all will come out en masse and cast our votes. We are ready for them, we will persevere. We will survive. Everyone is working at least two jobs. Being a Nigerian is a full-time job that comes with zero pay and all the stress of having a horrible boss. And when you add it to the other things to have to deal with daily… So you see why many of us resort to comedy. Because thinking about these things can send one spiraling into depths of depression that they can never crawl out of. So we allow our service providers to bleed us dry, we watch skit makers make fun of the situation of the country and we laugh. And even that laughter, comes at a cost.
Daniel Sikpi
Liliana Drew
Emmanuel Ikwuegbu
