Christmas what? I prefer Festivus
The traditional December holidays were approaching and Joanne and Heather's coffee shop was receiving more and more customers for the event that was in the center. Both were very proactive young girls who knew about coffee as a product. During these dates, they closed very late, but the profits were very good.
“Whew! There were more customers this time than yesterday,” said Heather, taller and just as proactive as her partner. She was cordial, but at the same time reserved. She had a unique fixation on the Mocaccinos.
“Hell yeah, but that's good, there have never been so many people here,” Joanne replied; a little more introverted than her partner, but with a charisma that sometimes hooks people. She is one of those girls with chubby bodies that most men like. "Hey, partner, do you know what you're doing for Christmas?"
“Not really,” Heather stated. "It was difficult for my parents to come so I think I'll spend it locked up at home."
"Why do not you come with me? This year will be very… different.” Joanne replied with a sigh.
"It would be great and what do you mean 'different'?"
“Do you remember my uncle? The reckless one with the droopy eye?”
"How can I forget, that day I thought he was looking at my breasts."
“Well, we always celebrate Christmas at her house, but this year something else occurred to her because he thinks that we are robots controlled by Christmas consumerism. So, let's celebrate Festivus."
“Festivus? What's that?" Heather asked, scrunching up her face.
“My uncle loves sitcoms, and the idea for Festivus came to him from an episode of Seinfeld. I know it sounds silly, but we have no other choice."
"For me, it's fine. I confess to you that I hate Christmas, I don't have good memories, especially with my idiot brother. So how is the Festivus celebrated?"
"Eh... I'm not too sure either, but what I do know is that it's celebrated on December 23, so we'll close early that day and go to my uncle's house, okay?"
"That seems fine to me."
The day of the Festivus arrived and the girls, as predicted, closed the coffee shop early and got ready to go to Joanne's uncle's house. Upon arrival, they were received by Carlos; Joanne's uncle's boyfriend. Inside the house were already Helen; the other aunt, along with Janice, George, and Maddy; Joanne's cousins. Everyone was already sitting at the table looking at each other. Heather noticed that there were no Christmas decorations and that there was an aluminum pole in the back of the room.
"What's that?" Heather asked Joanne pointing to the post.
“It's like the Festivus Christmas tree, didn't you see the Seinfeld episode? I told you to see it so that you would understand everything.”
“Not, I was busy hanging out with Don, he was showing me his Christmas decorations…”
Joanne smiles and scrunches up her face. “Girl, you are a…”
"Okay, time to start the Festivus!" Joanne's uncle exclaimed. The food was being served to Carlos, while everyone stood still and inert. "I'll start from smallest to largest."
"Joanne," he continued. “You will always be my favorite, but you are terrible at getting a man. I hoped you would have a thing with Mike, but I had high expectations."
Joanne squeezed her eyes shut and sighed in embarrassment as Heather chuckled.
"Maddy, I don't have much to say about you, except for that horrible green hair color, have you gone feminist?" Maddy was taken aback, but Heather couldn't stop giggling to herself.
“Janice, you need to stop living on dreams. We are all fed up already. Every time I see you, I feel like I'm in a Disney story, you only use your hair to attract bad vibes. You have to stop now!” Janice's eyes widened, then she lowered her head.
"George, I'd kick your ass right here, but you're so much more sophisticated than me, so I'll spare myself that embarrassment, for now, but I will anytime until you pay me what you owe me." George looked at him with stunned eyes, while the others looked at each other.
“Helen; My dear sister, I love you very much, but you must stop being so nosy. My God, you're going to make a vein burst," Now Joanne was the one who laughed because what her uncle said was true.
After a few minutes of silence, Joanne's uncle raised his hands and continued to speak. “Come on, George, get up! This is the time to kick your ass. Let's go with the test of strength."
"Wait, uncle!" Joanne objected. “I know you want to, we all want to kick George's ass, but this is not the time. My friend Heather had a lot of fun with the Festivus, I think that's enough so let's have dinner.”
Everyone fell silent at such a statement. Joanne's uncle stayed calm, he no longer wanted to test his strength against George. After dinner, George paid her the money he owed her uncle in front of everyone. Heather smiled and at the top of her lungs, she exclaimed: "It's a Festivus miracle!"
THE END
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