The atmosphere felt different after I stepped out of the hospital walls and knowing that I won't be spending my last day in the hospital bed was a good thing for me.
I was at a point staring at the sun, I missed the view of everyday sunrise and sunset since I have been struggling to live for a long time now.
"The car is here, honey", my husband's voice interrupted my thoughts.
He looked at me with that pitiful look, the kind I saw on his face when I was having my first baby. I could tell that he was just trying to be strong for me and our children.
I held his hand tightly as we gently walked down to the vehicle parked in the hospital garage.
We got into the car and I rest my head on his chest.
"I won't get to lay my head on my favorite spot in the world after today", I said with a shaky voice as the vehicle moved gently.
My husband only gave a faint smile and I wished I could see through his heart so I can know how to comfort him. I know it will hurt him more than I do because in some hours, I won't feel any more but he will have to go around carrying the pain of my death in his heart.
We drove past the beach and it was quiet. That's usually the kind of environment I always wanted whenever I visited the beach.
"Can we spend some time at the beach before we continue the trip home?", I asked in a gentle voice.
"Are you sure about that?", he asked.
A smile was enough as an answer and he told the driver to take us back to the beach.
We arrived there and the view was refreshing. I stretched my hand towards the sun and I felt it reaching for my hand as well.
The view of the sun, the trees at the beach, the sky, and the wave are all the things I will definitely miss.
My husband went to get a big mat but I chose to lay on the sand and he joined me there.
I saw some kids building a sand house and we decided to build one too, my childhood memories began to flow through my head.
"Did you remember our first date?", My husband asked.
I smiled as I remembered every detail of that day, "It was on this same beach, I remember clearly".
He left and returned with two cups of coffee, the aroma was perfect.
I inhale the scent before taking my first sip, it tasted really good.
"I am worried about you, we have never lived apart since we got married", I felt it was unfair to leave him in the world alone.
He held my hands again and I could feel him shaking.
"If I could share my remaining year in the world with you, I will do that just to ensure I do not live a day with you", he responded.
I dried his tears with my robe and took another sip from my cup.
"Seeing you in pain is not something I am happy about, I will rather let go of your hands physically and hold unto them in my heart. I know it is hard but I want you to be free from all this pain", he continued.
"I am sorry I haven't told you in a while how the time I spent with you became the best part of my life. You made life beautiful for me again after everything I have been through in the hands of men and if reincarnation is real, I will still choose to be your wife again".
He kissed me on my forehead and I requested to lay on his chest again.
We were there all day reminiscing the beautiful memories we shared in our lives.
I was getting cold already after the last sip from the cup and I knew the time was coming nearer.
"It's getting cold", I said and I could feel that I was gradually losing my voice.
He quickly removed his shirt for me and carried me in his arms as he rushed to the car.
"Take us home", I heard him say to the driver as we got into the car.
"Sunset", I said as I pointed toward the sun.
"It is noon sweetheart, the sun is not setting now", he responded.
I managed to keep my eyes open till we arrived home.
He made me a hot cup of coffee to keep me warm while the children sat around me as I relax on the sofa. I knew it was an emotional time for everyone but I just had to go.
The kids cuddled me for a while and I wish I could travel back in time to spend more time with them.
I was staring at my husband after sipping from the coffee he served me earlier, the kids didn't give him space by my side. I gave this smile of satisfaction as I took the last drop a few minutes later.
And that time, I felt my eyes closing.
I tried keeping them open but couldn't, I could hear them screaming and my voice stood out.
"I love you all", were my last words before everything went blank.
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