I had a scowl on my face as I sorted through the bills. Why were there so many bills to settle? I pushed my glasses back to the bridge of my nose but impulsively whipped it off my face exasperatedly and tossed it aside, rubbing the tiredness from my eyes. It was honestly getting too much.
“Hey, Marcela!” Someone called out. I looked up from my porch where I’d been trying to get the evening breeze to a smiling Corine. She waved happily at me and bounced off with a friend, her mane framing her face as the wind whipped it about.
I swear she seemed so happy these days, I was almost jealous. She had always been the uptight one. She had more wrinkles on her face even though she was a year younger than me. She had so many financial issues and as the breadwinner of her family, she always seemed to be wearing a perpetual frown but she looked better, lighter, younger. Why? Could it be that Expression’s Place she told me about it?
“Hey Cor,” I said into the phone, hours later. If it was a drug that was making her happy. I had to be in on it too. God knows I needed it with everything hanging over my head.
“Marcy, you alright?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to know. Are you seeing someone?”
I could tell she didn’t expect the question from her shocked tone. “No, Marcy. Why would you think that?”
“Well…you seem so happy these days. I thought you were in some lovey-dovey-”
I’d never heard Corine laugh so much but when she quieted down, she said serenely, “Are you finally ready to go to the Expression’s Place?”
“That’s really why you’re so happy?” I asked still doubting.
“Just come Marcela, and see for yourself.”
Two days later, I followed Corine’s directions to this Expression’s Place that was sweeping the town by storm. I got in and was taken aback with the decor. Okay, I admit that I expected to see a dimly lit room with voodoo dolls lined about but contrarily, it looked serene and most of all, peaceful. There was this calming aura as I saw men and women milling about the reception room. Different people but with similar expressions on their faces. Happiness.
A smiling woman directed me into another room where a session was about to start. I followed her in and met men and women drinking cups of coffee as they seemed to be waiting for someone. Someone placed a steaming cup into my hand and I smiled in appreciation as I took a dainty sip. I let out a sigh I didn’t know I’d been holding and closed my eyes as the soothing effect of the coffee made me slouch on the wall.
“No slouching.” A voice called in front of me and I whipped my eyes open to meet a gorgeous, caramel-skinned woman looking at me with an amused expression. “I’m Lina. You’re here for the class?”
“Yeah. I’m Marcela.”
“Well Marcela, in Expression’s Place, we’re all about finding that balance in our lives, and slouching is no way to start.” There was no bite in her words as she smiled at me and urged me to take my place in the semicircle where the others were seating cross-legged. When we had settled, she started.
“For the benefit of those of us just joining, I’ll speak again on how this vision started. Coffee had always been my home. It was what I looked forward to beginning my day and also ending it. But there are deep pains in the mind that coffee may help but not solve and so I began the Expression’s Place to bring together those who loved coffee and those who didn’t, to help them search their hearts and grab onto the peace that’s just within their rich. Because even when it seems like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, we can still smile through each day because we’ve been able to maintain that balance….”
As she spoke, I looked to the others and they all had an anticipatory but serene expression as they hung on her every word. I hoped to be able to look that peaceful at the end.
“Now close your eyes and relax,” Lina spoke warmly. “Connect to that part of you that has been dormant for so long, bearing in mind that no one can heal you of that ache like yourself.”
I did as she said and pushed all my inhibitions aside as I tried to reconnect with myself. With the aid of the soft tune playing in the background, I let it all go and felt the scowl on my face begin to ease.
Lina said again, “Now I want you to try to make peace with yourself. Bring that self-resentment and loathing to the front of your mind and just rid yourself of the self-hurt.”
I zoned out this time as I thought about all the things I regretted and the self-hate that had kept me from moving on and made peace with it in my mind. Forgiving myself was one of the toughest things ever but I tried my best. The exercise took about twenty more minutes and when I opened my eyes and touched my cheeks, I found it wet with tears. I looked around and saw the same on some of the others. A woman by the end was full-on weeping but she had a smile on her face like she was free from something.
I’d never felt more at peace as I wiped my tears and smiled too. I knew my problems weren’t over. I knew the bills still had to be paid but I’d started on a spiritual path that meant that even those things couldn’t rob me of my happiness and I was determined to see just how far my journey towards peace would take me.