Has someone ever come to you for advice and done just the opposite of what you suggested to them? When this happened to me in the past I have always said it doesn't matter, it's their life and they make their decisions. While this was fair, I have always wondered why would they even come to me in the first place if they already knew what they wanted to do. If my opinion mattered so much to them to bring their problem to me when I was minding my own business why didn't they didn't give a damn about what I said. The more I thought about it the more things became clearer to me.
I am one of those who doesn't take my problem to anyone. I handle them myself with internal debates and brainstorming. However, when I go to someone that would mean I have great respect and high regard for that person and I always try to see things from their point of view, I've always believed that their view was more objective and they had the bigger picture in view even though it was my problem.
Let me relate one story from my past experience. One of my friends came to me many years ago, 'seeking advice' (in his own words). He told me about a girl he wanted to marry. She was an attractive woman, a single mother, and a career-oriented woman. However, he was very reluctant to share some basic details about her past life. All I gathered was she had a troubled marriage. I quickly got myself out of this by listing out a few things he needed to consider before he committed himself, but the final decision would be his.
Somewhere along the way during our conversation it became clear to me that he had already made up his mind. His defensive answers to my questions only made me uncomfortable. In a short time, he defied his family and married this woman. It's been a rocky marriage, to say the least. The question of why did he come to me remained in my mind. Then I happened to meet his friends' circle from his office and they spoke about how they encouraged him to do this. What they didn't know was about his family and commitments to them.
To cut a long story short I realized that people only ask you for advice so they can hear what they want to hear. They just want their ideas to be validated. They don't really care for your opinion or are they even searching for a solution to the problem in the first place. When they have received enough validation from whichever source, they find the courage to do what they want to do,. I have studied this in so many other scenarios as well having worked as a youth relationship counselor for years.
I always give the people general guidelines on soul searching and let them figure out for themselves what they want to do. I personally believe most people know the answers deep down in their hearts. They just need to learn to figure these things out for themselves. Lessons from personal experience always carry bigger and stronger impacts on their future decision-making.
Another thing that struck me is that these people are happy to surround themselves with people who would never say no to their ideas or question their intentions. They want everything they do to be affirmed as they are in the process of collecting 'yes votes'. These yes votes in some way energize them to act on what they were afraid to do at first. They really have no need for your opinion, you are just a number on their supporters list to save them from their guilt.
There is no point in trying to tell these people they are wrong. You would end up being their enemy. My friend of old still does not talk to me because I didn't give him a yes vote. I mean even good friends become enemies because they dared to question their intentions.
Sadly, most often this attitude arises from self-doubts and a deep sense of knowing that what they are about to do might not work or is not right. They need your yes vote to convince themselves, a feel-good factor. Just leave them alone. Don't beat yourself over not being able to help them or keep them out of trouble. Such people seek trouble for themselves all the time. Don't pander them with your trust votes if you don't believe in their ideas, you pave their way to hell and beyond.
Thank you for reading and supporting my posts.