Lately, I find myself avoiding heart-to-heart conversations with my mum. As an African girl who is considered to be in her prime marriageable age there’s really only one way the conversation ends-Marriage.
Don’t get me wrong we talk about the usual things like career growth, business, family, politics, etc. But our conversations never end without my mum asking questions like
"Efe, do you have a boyfriend? If you do, who is he? Why have I never met him? When will you bring a man to me?"
A lot of this has to do with the fact that I have never introduced a guy to my mum and that’s on purpose. Even when I dated in the past, I kept it completely away from her (thank goodness for that😅).
You see, whether or not you have an only surviving child as my mom does, it is normal to be extremely involved and inquisitive about said child’s life. She's practically in my face at every opportunity she gets (I loveeeeeett! For the most part).
I know it’s quite unusual given how brutal the dating scene can be, but I have only been in two relationships all my life. Once with my first love whom I wrote a paragraph about in my introductory post.
The other with a guy who ended up being not worth it- a complete waste of my time and emotions. Both of them weren't exactly the best. I was young, naive, and way too trusting hence the mistakes were made. I was in love-clueless, utterly stupid but hopelessly in love. Both freaking times!
Let me tell you a little story of how crazy in love I was. One night, I went with my best friend in Uni at the time, Oliha, to what we like to call "night class"(studying overnight in lecture halls in groups or alone).
I was engrossed in my books- or so I thought🤔. I started to think about my boyfriend(now EX, emphasis on the block letters) at the time, smiling and blushing sheepishly, I was so lost. I was awakened to reality with a hard tap on my head. Oliha hit me, my own bestie cut short my visit to la-la land.
Oliha was so shocked, she didn't know whether to scold me or laugh at me. It took oliha hitting me to realize how far gone I was. I had scribbled his name and made heart drawings all over the page I was supposedly reading. I must have written 'I 💘 you x' about 60 times on that page. I'm not even playing right now, my eyes were glazed. And no, I will not tell you his name LOL.
Now here’s the million-dollar question; Why am I really single? A lot of times people assume it’s for lack of admirers (as per nobody dey toast/woo me). Just hold that thought right there because it couldn’t be any further from the truth. I mean...have you seen me? I'm 5'5inches of beauty, brains, goodness, and lushness.
The truth is I'm single because I choose to be. I am content in my singlehood but then again, it does get boring sometimes. Some people might consider this too much information but I have been single for about 3 years. “Woww....That long?” That is the usual reaction I get.
Though I have met a few good guys since then, I am apprehensive about history repeating itself, so I have consciously avoided putting myself out there. When I love, I do so with all my heart so you see. I couldn't care less what anyone said or thought, I was a good partner twice.
Twice I have loved and twice I have been hurt badly. I don’t think that I have the capacity to handle another heartbreak. Right now, I'm engrossed in work so much that my social life is at a -2.
I have unconsciously put up walls to guard my heart, so every time I get close to falling I tell myself, "All the good ones are taken". Finding the type of love I seek is not easy, but it is well worth it.
The single life has its ups and downs. Sometimes I get lonely (only on weekends) when I'm free from work...even my closest friends have been in and out of relationships a number of times but here I am still flying solo. There are moments when I need hugs, I want to be pampered.
My friend Gabby says I'm confused and picky. Oh, but I am not, I know exactly what I want and that’s a man who is intentional and passionate about loving me. Someone who is just as in love with me as I am with him.
I deserve the best of everything - the patient, understanding, selfless, hopeless romantic, kind, amazing man, and that's exactly what I'll get. Oh boy, I want to be happy in love, and I will be.
There are good men out there and the best one will find me at the right time.
Cheers 🥂
PS: I hope you enjoyed every bit of this write-up. Thank you for reading. Sending you loads of hugs because you are the best!😁