I’m sorry I don’t repeat after you.
I’m sorry I interrupt you.
I’m sorry I speak out of turn.

I’m sorry I don’t believe what you tell me to believe.
I’m sorry I ask why.
I’m sorry I ask any questions at all.
I’m sorry I forget to ask how high.

I’m sorry I forget to always submit.
I’m sorry I forget to fake it.
I’m sorry I don’t put on the clothes you tell me to wear.

I’m sorry I disobey your orders.
I’m sorry I don’t smile all the time.
I’m sorry I forget to pretend I’m not constantly in pain.

I’m sorry I never live up to your expectations.
I’m sorry I never measure up no matter how hard I try.

I’m sorry I’m never good enough to fit in.
I’m sorry I’m just a bunch of crap.

I'm sorry I need food and water to live.

I’m sorry I need shelter to live.

I’m sorry I need oxygen to breathe.
I’m sorry I need the warmth of other humans.

I'm sorry for being alive.
I’m sorry I don’t fit in your box.
I’m sorry I’m different.

I’m sorry I’m an individual.
I’m sorry I think for myself.
I’m sorry I decide for myself.
I’m sorry I’m under your rule.
I’m sorry you keep trying to rule my soul.
I’m sorry for being sorry.

For a long time, I’ve watched myself say, “I’m sorry”, throughout the day for everything and anything. “I’m sorry”, seems to be the catch all expression to excuse any perceived slight or unacceptable behaviour in Canada. When did this start? I don’t know. Why did this start? Again, I don’t know. In fact, I never noticed myself saying, “I’m sorry”, so repetitively until I ended up exploring what I say “I’m sorry” for and why, which is another story. Even then, I didn’t realize that Canadians are so addicted to saying, “I’m sorry”, frequently, speedily, and with a total lack of awareness of doing so. This was brought to my attention by many people outside of Canada, mostly American, over a period of years.

I could go digging into research about the “I’m sorry” story, whatever it is, but instead, I’m sharing my own perspective about “I’m sorry”.

With focus, I’ve tried to cut down, tried to stop saying, “I’m sorry”, for every little thing, for every inconvenience, simple request, slight offense, social faux pas, you name it. I think you get the idea, especially if you’ve been around Canadians. It’s not that easy or simple. It’s like trying to wean myself off an addiction I can’t let go of, that somehow assuages whatever ripples uncomfortably inside of me. I’ve managed to reduce it with efforts at being aware of my thoughts and speech. I’ve noticed though, that if I don’t stay on top of it, I slip right back into the same old patterns.

Recently, I started thinking about “I’m sorry” again because someone (not Canadian) asked me what another person (a Canadian) meant when they said “I’m sorry”. I had to think about it before I could answer because even I was confused. Was the person actually apologizing for something that merited the “I’m sorry” response, or were they falling into the habitual Canadian routine of saying “I’m sorry”? I’m still not sure but I gave it my best, safest, guess that the person was actually apologizing for something they perceived as requiring an apology.

Now, I’m not saying that only Canadians apologize unnecessarily. I know this occurs with others also. That said, I don’t see this addictive need to repeat it incessantly, the way that Canadians do it. From observing myself, I have noticed that the constant repetition and reinforcement of others around me saying, “I’m sorry”, has become a mantra running on autopilot in my head. It has infected my brain with a programmed social response to the environment I live in. There is an unspoken social pressure to do the same as everyone else, to fit in, to be accepted as a member of society (any society). “I’m sorry” it isn’t the only program that has infected my brain.

So many people have inspired the “I’M SORRY” story, that I can’t list them all. It would be impossible. Instead, I dedicate this post to all Canadians and the Hive Community.

All photos taken by Nine with a Pentax digital 35mm camera lens.