Intro
Hello people, and welcome to the Funny African Customs series! This is a series I started here on Hive/what-it-was in 2017! You can check out the three previous episodes 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. And I found out there's usually a problem with pictures when you check out really old posts so I've also brought the Steemit links for the oldest ones, here they are: 1, 2 and 3.
So, if it is not obvious from the title, this is a series where I talk about funny African Customs that I see and experience as an African (Nigerian) living in Africa (Nigeria). Every society the world over came up with different customs and ways of life mostly peculiar to them and usually the people who grow up with these customs don't see the humour in them, it usually takes an outsider from a different culture to hear it and crack up
And usually, the person laughing doesn't realize that they have customs of their own that they don't consider funny but would double crack an outsider up.
Well, a couple of us are broader kinda thinkers and can see our customs and understand how they would be funny to someone else, that's sort of what I'm doing with this series for African customs (but, some of the customs I'd talk about in this series are not that of my own tribe because Nigeria has so many different tribes, over 370 ethnic groups, and a brother gotta pick from groups other than mine sometimes 😊) so without further ado let's kick today's edition off!!
Confetti🎊🎊🎊🎊
Edition 5: Asking Obvious Questions
Today's funny custom is one that I know for certain is practiced everywhere in Nigeria apart from the North, it is most likely practiced in the North too and maybe other African countries but I'm not certain of it, I'm only certain of it's practice everywhere in Nigeria but the North.
So the custom is the simple act of asking too many obvious questions, it is such a strong age long practice in Nigeria, someone would see you early in the morning and it doesn't matter if you're brushing your teeth, if you're dancing or if you just greeted them they'd still ask you 'have you woken up?'
Like:
Would I be out here doing my daily chores if I haven't woken up? Do I look like I'm sleep walking?
Very obvious questions like that, you'd return from wherever you went to and a person would ask you 'have you returned?'
Or you'd be gardening or chopping some wood or doing whatever work it is you want to do and someone passing by would ask you 'are you working?'
Obvious questions! The most painful thing about these questions is that sometimes you'd not answer them only to turn and see the person who asked still smiling and waiting on your answer, if you still don't give an answer, the person asks for an answer again with 'huh?'
Like WTF! You just asked me if I was working as if you're not looking at me working right before your very eyes, I played it cool and didn't reply, I gave you some time to satisfy your doubts by having a good look at me but with all the good look you've had you're still not sure whether I'm working, you still require a confirmation from me, if you don't get the fuck outta my face!
One might think Nigerians don't trust their sight and they're trying to confirm if they're seeing what they're seeing instead of checking up with the doctor/Ophthalmologist. So far I have come up with ways to deal with these questions, and these are the kind of replies I give:
When they see me early in the morning stretching like every normal person would and I greet them 'good morning'.
THEM: Have you woken up?
ME: No, I'm actually still asleep I have a weird ability that allows me to be stretching, preparing for my day and talking to people but still be asleep.
THEM:
Or
THEM: Have you woken up?
ME: No, this is a dream, we're infact both sleeping and conversing in the dream world.
THEM:
[Facebook Meme]
Or When I'm eating:
THEM: Are you eating?
ME: No, I'm brushing my teeth with the food, studies actually show that we should replace toothpastes with food.
Or when I'm chopping wood
THEM: Are you chopping wood?
ME: No, I'm having sex with the wood.
Alright now we're through with messing about, we need to understand this custom. The custom is mainly a way of exchanging pleasantries. Here is the meaning of pleasantries from Merriam Webster:
It is also just a way of greeting someone when you see them, those questions are usually asked when a person is seeing you for the first time that day or first time in a while, like they just see you in the morning they'll ask if you've woken up, its just a form of greeting, they're passing by and see you eating or working, just a form of greeting. If you've been with a person all day and you bring out food and start eating they'll never ask you 'are you eating', its just like how if you've been with a person all morning they wouldn't say 'good afternoon' immediately it is afternoon. You get it.
Human greetings don't always make sense but are there to simply serve the purpose of greeting and exchanging pleasantries. Like the English greeting 'welcome' for example, it has no real meaning apart from serving the purpose of greeting a returnee. You're not trying to tell the person that they arrived well because you don't know that, it is not for you to say, it is for the person to say whether they think they arrived well or not; you don't know what they went through, etc etc.
Also, what business has 'welcome' got to do with being a reply to 'thank you'?
Well, you get it now.
