Booty Lies in the Ass of the Beholder and Other Profound Paradoxes πŸ˜€


Hey people, it is only few times a man gets to speak from divine inspiration and luckily for everyone who is going to read this, this is one of those times! I am right now, at this very moment, speaking under divine inspiration. So by all means, assume a solemn look:



for this post you're reading on is a holy post.

First of all you might be wondering how I came about being under inspiration of such magnitude. Well, it kind of fell on my laps as it took only a little effort from me. Here's how it happened: this afternoon I was sitting outdoors just chilling and looking around. Pretty girls kept walking to and fro on the road and my dilligent eyes accompanied them every step of the way. Then came this one girl, seemed like the curviest I had seen the whole day! She was pretty and had this huge hips. My eyes just stucked to her and I was waiting for her to walk by so I can see the booty that was tagging along with her, I reckoned it would be a great remarkable booty due to the hips I was already seeing from the front. But that's when it came to my notice, even as I still had her front view, that she was putting on a long big shirt and that there was no need to wait to see her booty when she walks by because this long shirt would cover most of the booty for sure.

It hurt me to know that I wouldn't be getting a good view of this booty, I must say, I got quite saddened by this, but when she walked by I turned to look at the booty anyways and you wouldn't believe what I saw! The back of this girl's shirt that would have covered her booty was tucked into her skirt so the booty was free from the obstruction of the shirt! This girl had tucked the back of her shirt into her skirt! She must have known that this was a big shirt she had on and that it would obstruct the view of innocent onlookers like me, so instead of throwing the shirt away she decided to wear it but tuck in the back of the shirt so her booty can be beheld by the world. What a brilliant girl!

As I sat there surveying that booty, I kept marveling at the wisdom that must have been at play when she came up with that idea to tuck that shirt in behind and I came to the conclusion that there's no way she came up with that on her own, it must have come from above.

Humans are usually not so profound, wisdom to do exploits like these usually come from above, from beyond this realm of existence. I now thought that I needed wisdom like this in my daily life, what a success I'd become if I could be wise like this cake-butted girl. So I begged the universe solemnly with one prayer: give me wisdom like this, that I may be great and reach daunting heights in this life. And ladies and gentlemen, that's how my prayers were answered! I started feeling some type of way, it is hard to explain, but I just knew it; if you feel like that you'd know it too.
I just knew I had been imparted with some wisdom greater than me to do exploits in this world.

So I decided to apply that wisdom to this @calumam's contest, the Proof of Brain Word of the Week (POB-wotw). I decided so because the word for this week is 'paradox', and it is defined by quick Google searches as:

a seemingly absurd or contradictory statement or proposition which when investigated may prove to be well founded or true.

Very profound stuff, I'm telling you. A paradox in other words is a statement or conclusion that seems to be false when you look at it at first but when you dig deeper and analyse better you come to find it is great truth. What better way to start applying my new found divine wisdom than on clever quotes with a dash of truth?

Now before I go on with spreading all that wisdom, I want you to take a second and realize that the story I just gave about how I got my divine inspiration is also a paradox. How? Well, simple. The story is a paradox because on looking at it some of you may be having doubts that it isn't true and that I probably made it up, but I'm telling you, if you dig deeper and investigate better you'd come to find that it is the truest story you've heard all year.

So here I go: paradoxes usually come in form of quotes, hence I've made some quotes of my own to contain these profound pieces of wisdom I'm about to dish out. Let's start with the first paradox

1. Don't Judge a Book Boob by it's Cover

I'm sorry for the little distraction the word 'book' tried to pose, the real word with the right to be there is 'boob'. What in the goddamn hell is a book? Such an accursed unpopular thing, meanwhile everyone loves boobs isn't it?

So this paradox right here gives off some deep wisdom. There are a million types of bras out there that makes boobs look like they're more plus-size than they really are, more firm and more of a lot of other things. This paradox here is saying you shouldn't judge them by these covers (bras), you should wait till it has had it's day in court cot.

Cot is a bed though, if you were wondering.

Furthermore, you can apply this wisdom to everything else in life, simply don't Judge till you've investigated and have all the necessary facts.

2. An Apple Nipple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Again, sorry for the distraction from the word 'apple', I wonder why it ever thought it could take the place of nipples. Yes it has vitamins and all but everyone would give an apple a headbutt if it stands between them and a Nipple but not vice versa.

Now this paradox here, one might look at it and wonder how the fuck does a nipple keep doctors away? First of all, you'd have to apologise for saying something blasphemous like that. Next is, listen to the explanation I'm giving.

Look at this study) it is a real scientific study, one of the many similar studies that shows that men's health and lifespan are being improved at the sight of boobs/nipples. So you see? The more nipples you see/fellowship with, the more your health and lifespan is improved and with good health and lifespan what in the world would you need a doctor for? He'd be far away from you as possible as there's no need for him to come closer.

As an aside: a baseball bat also helps.

For those who might think nipples can't play this role for them since they're straight women or gay men who probably don't admire boobs much, I want to tell you to stop being ungrateful and remember that you sucked on nipples as a baby. Or at least 99% of people did. If not for nipples the doctors would have been all over you as a baby trying to prescribe the right milk/nutrition for a growing baby. You see, these things are quite simple. They would probably have been all over you now too as a grown up due to all the deficiencies you acquired due to lack of nutrients breast milk gives through nipples.

3. A stitch Tit in Time Saves Nine

Man, I'm getting tired of these words always trying to steal someword else's shine. Confound you stitch!

This paradox here, makes you wonder too at first, how does one tit save 9 other tits? But remember it says 'in time', which means it has to show up in a timely fashion. For example if one tit is a really good tit and shows up at the beginning of one's search one would most probably settle down with it and wouldn't have to go and try 9 other titties looking for the right one, you see?

Also the urge to play with some tits builds up slowly in people, it's like hunger. As time goes by it gets more and more. But if one gets those tits in a timely fashion, say at the start of the hunger one's hunger would not get to the level where one would be on a prowl devouring 9 other tits.

Applying this to life in general, it just means you should be quick to check needs that compile so you treat it before it compiles and become too much to handle. Pure wisdom.

4. Nothing Nutting Good Comes Easy

Alright, let's decide to start ignoring these distracting words, we've had enough.

For those who may not know, the word 'nutting' means to be having an orgasm. So nutting good clearly means having a good orgasm. And of course you're wondering how I can say that having something as good as that is easy. I'd say yes you had to wonder, can't you see it wouldn't be a paradox if you didn't wonder if it was true at first?

Well, wonder on and take this age long tip of mine on how to easily reach orgasms, it also works for women who have problems reaching orgasms. The tip is: simply tell your partner what you like and teach them how to do it. Simple! Or Ok, I'd agree it's quite hard, but once you get that out of the way then nutting good would start cuming easy for you πŸ˜€.

Applying this to general life, I'd say get tips and get the hard part out of the way so you can start getting shit more easily.

5. As You Make Your Bed, So You'll lie Bang on it.

It is what it is, folks. You can't make your bed like 'A' and bang on it the way you would have if you made it like 'B'. As long as you're on it you have to align with it's positioning and shit like that. I didn't make the rules, it's just life/physics.

6. Good things Tits Come to Those Who Wait

Well, what can I say? Patience is a motherfucking virtue sometimes, I tell you. You know, apart from waiting till you find some good titties, owners of good tits too sometimes have a lot of rules that make you wait. It could be they want you to wait till you marry them, wait till they're ready or it could even be you have to wait for them to undo a complicated bra😠.

Anyways we can all agree patience pays Chens.

Umm, Chen is a common Chinese name

7. A Penny Penis Saved is a Penis Penny Earned

Word on marble, my dear friends. The ladies can tell you better about this one right here. Mm hmm? But let us guys have a little try at it. A lot of times a girl has saved you from hazardous stuff and got rewarded with the pen isn't it? Hazardous stuff like loneliness, sadness, horniness, other girls, etc. And they got the Vitamin 'D' in return. That's how it goes sometimes. The basic principle of give and take. As old as the world.

8. All Work and no Play Foreplay Makes Jack a Dull Boy

So we say amen to all that kissing, amen to all that touching, amen to all that licking and at last a loud hallelujah to head. Peace be unto you.

How do we apply this wisdom to real life? I can't believe you're still asking simple questions like this. You apply it by setting the mood before doing anything. Lead up to things you have to do like workouts and making of requests/presentations, etc. Don't just jump into it, set the tone, water the groundsπŸ€—

9. Beauty Booty Lies in the Eyes Ass of the Beholder

For the final paradox, I'm leaving it for y'all to have a go. A lot of you must have read this write-up and thought you want the divine wisdom/inspiration too like me, you might have even prayed to the universe by now and are probably feeling someway like you are inspired, so here you go! Test your inspiration on this last paradox, see how you'd explain it using your divine wisdom. If you do a good job then you know you have the divine inspiration. If you don't, then you can be sure that that feeling you're having after praying to the universe must have been a running stomach which means you should take tablets of flagyl and visit the toilet ASAP just like I have done today, although I'm not saying my own inspiration was fake. It was real. I'm different.


Thanks for dropping by, y'all!



3 columns
2 columns
1 column