Hi everyone and welcome to the FOURTH edition of the Adventures from a lifetime of staring at sweethearts. I'm your host with the hoes, Nevies the not-novice 😉, the eyes of Horus looking at the ass of whore-rus (yes not a real word, why don't you try pointing out something a little less obvious 🙄)
So this is the fourth edition, you can read the first here, the second, and the third
This is a series where I give situation reports about things that transpire as I go about my daily life simply being a gentleman, walking upright, breathing in air, keeping an open mind like they say in the philosophy books and finally keeping an open eye that just happens to take in so many girls.
Here's the intro to the series:
Hi everyone,
I'm assuming by now everyone knows I'm like most modest gentlemen out there, which means everyone knows that quite like everybody else I breathe through my nose, eat through my mouth and like me some girls 😀.
There are a lot of things I want to do with these girls, naturally, and once in a while I'm lucky enough to do it with them, other times I'm stumbling and rolling on the ground from hitting the many obstacles that stand between me and doing the happy things I want to do with these girls. But there's one thing that is the easiest to do, this one thing that every gentleman like myself dearly love to do, this one thing that never fails us, this one thing that is always readily available to be done if you quite want to. That one thing is: looking at girls!
It never fails. All you need to do is go where girls could be found, or simply go about your daily business in society, keeping an open heart and an open eye and you'd get to absorb all the beauty, hills and plains, curves and edges these ladies drag along with them.
There are studies (you can check one out here), that prove that staring at women can be very beneficial to men's lifespans and health. Now I'm an honest man, I'm not trying to pretend like this study is the reason why I stare at girls, I had been staring at girls years before the people who carried out this study were even born, but I'm bringing this study up so that you can look at me and be proud of me for the great work I'm busy doing on my health and lifespan instead of doing drugs and ruining my life. You see?
So in my day to day quest to staying a model young man by improving my health in this way, I do have some adventures (Funny how I didn't have to become an archeologist in the end in order to have my fair share of adventure in this life). I've decided I start sharing my adventures, observations and stories with the rest of the world, who knows I might end up inspiring people to be healthier and lead better lives. With that I welcome you all to the brand new series tittled:
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls
Confetti!
In case you didn't already realize it, this series is like what they do on #exhaust and #actifit, it is all a means to promote healthy living by documenting our healthy activities. Before you object, remember the studies that show that staring at swidis is healthy living? Alright, don't argue with scientists and experts okay?
I'm going to be separating these different adventures/stories and calling them 'Reports' for organizational purposes like I always do. Each adventures post would typically have many reports so it would never be too brief.
Alright, here we go for the fourth edition!
Report 1
Today I was around the City's stadium area, I was going to watch an amateur boxing match. I was there too early, I don't know why, but experts say it was because I wanted to be in time to watch the female volleyball team while they trained. I hardly ever know why experts say the things they say and I never even know who the hell these experts are that are always doing the 'saying'.
Anyways, after watching the female volleyball team train, there was still time so I went to grab me breakfast from this restaurant outside the stadium I usually go to anytime I'm here. I get into the restaurant and seat in my favourite seat. Usually a seat becomes your favourite because it is comfortable or something like that, but if you have sojourned long enough in this world and you've been acquiring wisdom from ancient philosophy books like me you would come to find that a seat becomes your favourite because it affords you a good view of the busy female hair dressing salon just opposite the restaurant, where pretty ladies are always coming in and out of.
With this view you couldn't miss anything. So I take my seat, pulled out my phone and other inconveniencing things from my pocket so I'd be comfortable. Tucked myself in and all, and after making sure I was well settled in and relaxed, I now looked up to the dear old busy salon where all the girls were and you wouldn't believe what I saw! A new sort of iron curtain has been newly installed in this restaurant (as it was not here the last time I visited). This new curtain could not be seen through like the former one. So what that means was Paradise Lost! I can't get a good view of all the swidis coming in and out of the salon anymore, can you imagine this!
I was infuriated! What in the bloody hell was this? What kind of new development was this? Who do these people get their marketing advices from? My goodness! How do you put these kind of curtains in a window just opposite a beauty salon? You mean you never for a second thought that well meaning gentlemen who are your customers would require a good view? Like what is all these by jove!?
'Good day Sir, what would you like to order?'
Says a stupid waiter.
I look him up and down:
Then I stood up and left. I'm never going back to this restaurant again, ever! That should teach them. It beats me how some people go about running a restaurant without the knowledge of simple marketing tricks and strategies.
Report 2
It is philosophy time, ladies and gentlemen. Or maybe if you wouldn't call this philosophy, you can call it 'insights'. Whatever wanks 😉 your boat.
In my time checking girls out, I've come to find out that there are two types of girls based on the way they react to your checking them out. The first type is the type of girls that would see you checking them out and would pretend not to see you, they'd keep looking elsewhere, leaving you to look at them and check them out to your satisfaction. They know that returning the look or acting like they know you're looking at them might disturb your looking at them, so they play it cool and let you have your fill. These type of girls are really sportsman-like, they're kind and cooperative, I think there is a verse in the Bible for them, I can't recall how the verse describes these girls but I recall that it says '...blessed are they, for they shall inherit the Kingdom of God.' Not my words, I'm telling you.
Respect, swidis.
But sometimes this can lead to a problem. You know, like in order to pretend they don't know you're looking, the girl could turn her face somewhere else so that you can have your fill. You then look well to have your fill, you look at her legs, the bootylococus, the booberinas, and then you get to the face but the face is turned somewhere else thus you can't see it well for your assessment. At that time you could feel like, 'Its alright, dear Sister, I'm done with the body's assessment, can you now turn your face so I assess that too?'
A variant of these type of girls, though, are the ones that look away to give you your chance to view them and then while you view they somehow are able to calculate and know when it is time for the face, when the time comes they turn the face and you can now give them their full assessment. I don't know how they do this or how they make their mental calculations. Honestly, it beats me. These type of girls are just on another level. Double salute for y'all, swidis.
But the most priceless of all, though, are the ones that see you're looking at them and while pretending they don't know they keep turning around and letting you see them from different angles like a model photoshoot! These girls are the true heroes! Guard of honour for y'all, swidis, the girl watching Community appreciates you and your efforts and support all these years do not go unnoticed.
The second type of girls are the ones that look back at you when you looking at them and they don't know to look away and give you your chance to assess them properly. These type of girls are not sportsman-like at all, they ruin the whole fun and they make it take quite some boldness to keep looking at them and assessing them on your score card as they keep looking back at you. No much love for them from the girl watching community but they're not the worst of all types of girls.
The worst of all types of girls are the ones that don't give a single fuck that you're looking at them. They don't care at all. It might sound like they are like the first type of girls I talked about, but no, you see it in their eyes, they don't look away because they want you to have your fill, they look away because they don't give a fraction of a fuck about you. These girls are supposed to be discussed here as a third type of girls but nope, they don't deserve a proper mention in my Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Swidis series so I'd leave them out. That's right! I told you girls nothing good ever comes out of playing gentlemen for a fool like that. In your face!🥵🤪😛😝
Alright, let me conclude. I've mentioned the word 'philosophy' quite a number of times, I have to show y'all that I'm actually serious about my relationship with philosophy by leaving no doubt that I'm actually a great thinker. I would do that by saying that I know those different types of girls are probably not 'types' of girls but that those are just different reactions girls give at different times in their lives, probably influenced by the way they were feeling that day, whether they admire you or not, etc. A girl could be type 1 in the morning and type 3 in the evening, type 2 to Johny but type 1 to Tony, etc.
I hear you ask that since I know this why did I still go ahead to call it 'types of girls' instead of 'types of reactions'? The answer is simply that it is more fun to talk about that way - the 'types of girls' way! Trust me I tried writing about it like 'different types of reactions' and stuff and it sounded a little boring. Just trust me on this one, I'm the philosopher here.
That's it y'all! 😃
Thanks for dropping by on today's edition. See you in future editions.
Also, if you haven't, check out the previous editions:
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #1
Has 4 reports
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #2
Has 4 reports
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #3
Has 2 reports
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