Phew!...
There will be no ructions !!! (well, not too many).
The ‘some big shit’ that can’t be talked about except face to face with my ex, Steph, has nothing to do with stuff relative to crypto, markets, or the coming blood bath…(no , I'm not referring to this little tickle we've had over the last 48 hours..)
The 'big shit', is more personal shit in nature - and not for block chain consumption (for now, anyways).
That being said, I’m still gonna have to leave my gaff to go and meet her.
Next week.
A week today.
She’s heading to Hong Kong for some property deals - business stuff- and is gonna stop off here for a day or two...
Which entails me getting off my arse, and travelling a few hundred kilometres - but is, in fairness, much better than going half way around the world...(con-ovirus 'rules' , don't apply to wealthy travelers)
The video still stands, though.
re: clever man, clues, and making money.
We had a loooong - and very interesting conversation last night.
I received a proverbial slap in the face.
....Or several slaps, rather - it was bordering on abuse!
She’s great.
We talked as only me an her do.
Funny, brutal, honest – all in the same sentence…
I’d like to say .... ‘and then, it suddenly struck me….’ – but that would be a lie.
It was Steph's words that struck me – just hard enough for me to wake up to a reality.
One I’ve been fooling myself about.
More importantly, the reasons behind why I’ve been doing so…
Synchronicity is a strange thing.....
Only yesterday I was talking to @minismallholding about my past, my dad, and some other stuff....
I mentioned something in a comment to her, about ‘looking for someone who I can communicate with, on the same level as my dad’ (not a family thing, an intelligence thing).
Steph brought this up to (she’s met my dad, and loved him to bits).
Part of a conversation: (truncated version )…..
STEPH: You do know why that you’re such an antagonistic twat on Hive, don’t you?
ME : I hate seeing idiots being duped into thinking that their not, via rewards. ...That, and I hate sophistry and weak logic, masquerading at intelligence.
STEPH: You’re so full of shit, you do know that? You don’t have a fucking clue , do you?
Me: Enlighten me, o'predator….
STEPH: You’re looking for someone who’s your equal. The only way to test that, is to try and destroy other people’s ideas. If they’re your equal, you get the fight, and then you also get the intellectual friend…
Me: Fuck off, it’s not like that at all.
STEPH : Get yer head out of yer arse, and look around. You’re bored.
I’ve looked at your rants, your cynicism, your anger. You’re frustrated because you have no one to joust with. You’re such a dick sometimes.
Me: Bollocks.
STEPH: Is the poor baby hurt by nasty words, from the horrible woman? (laughter).
Me: Fuck you
STEPH : Funny you should mention that….
Next 5 minutes…
(conversation not for block chain)
.....5 minutes later.
…oh….. it doesn’t really matter – you get the idea….
The point being – She was correct…. Bugger. (I hated it when she beat me at chess, to).
Let me explain....
Up until this last 5 years or so, I’ve always had some seriously intelligent people in my life.
...A friend who won a free masters degree course in mathematics - for solving some old equation or other (I don’t have a clue what).
.... a friend who worked at CERN.
A friend who…blah, blah, blah,..…you get the point.
The intellectual side of me (which is far from 'the whole' of who I am – but it is an important part of who I am) has not been stimulated to the same extent over this last few years, as has been the case over the last few decades (yes- even in my party days)....
Ergo, I go and find a fight - to see if there are any worthy opponents out there (and finding good friends along the way - peeps who are not of that ’intellectual bent’ – which is also great...!).
THAT is why I’m such a wanker sometimes, online. Frustration.
I cloak it (to myself) as some ‘noble cause’ – because it fits perfectly – But is there more to it?
Is it more a matter of me looking for someone who can 'match up'?
'Noble causes' are grounded in virtue.
Virtue is grounded in truth.
So is intelligence.
I’m not being 'all superior' here, not in the slightest (the midwit can only interpret it as such though, bless)...
As I’ve said many times before , I can be as shallow as a puddle and switch to being as deep as the Mariana Trench in about the same time that it takes to inhale ,and exhale, a breath.
I LIKE shallow frivolity, laughter, silliness.
I also LIKE intellectual sparring partners.
I’ve found plenty of silliness and enjoy it all immensely.
I’ve yet to find my sparring partners.
After deciding to 'leave all the bull shite behind', has a come at price it seems....
A lack of face to face intellectual sparring - something that I’ve sought out and enjoyed for most of my adult life.
So yeah...... Steph was correct – I didn’t KNOW the real reasons – motivations – to behind why I have been so ‘direct’ and aggressive.
I’ve been looking at things with an unconscious, but with an increasing, sense of frustration.
Hive is not the place to find such stimulus.
It's a midwit enclave.
It’s full of boring conformist midwits who, if they had an original thought in their heads, it would probably explode.
The insecurity of their own intelligence just oozes out... out of every post, in a desperate attempt to try and cover it up.
I’m done.
I’m not rage quitting!
Fuck, no.
I’m listening to Steph . A friend….I needed a sounding board far more than I realized…(the price you pay for becoming a semi recluse....).
STEPH: Coming across so cynical and negative is about the most stupid thing you can do, you dick…It ain't you...
Me : Well, please enlighten me, o' wise bitch…
STEPH: There, that’s better, you’ve started already….
Me: (silence)
STEPH: Oh come on, fill in the fucking blanks, you dufus…
Me: ….Nope, still in the dark over here…
(this was such enjoyable conversation, it really was)
STEPH Jesus Christ, you’ve let yourself go, you know that?
Me:Fuck off
STEPH: Take the total piss out of the idiots, you moron! (giggles)
Me: Please expand on your thoughts to the moron that’s listening, if you’d be so kind…
STEPH: Look, ********** (she uses my full name when she means business) you’re only pissing yourself off with what you’re doing now – I know you, I can see it in your writing.
Fuck the morons you’re arguing with.
Personally, I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire, but you….well…. you’re an idiot.
Why not deliver your material in a light hearted, witty, way?
It's far more the real , happy, you.
See if you can cause multiple embolism's that way, why don't ya?
You have the brains and humor to do it – so just fucking do it.
Rip 'em to pieces through mockery, wit, and laughter. You’re such a dick sometimes.
It’ll have exactly the same results including finding your sparring partners – but with the added bonus of not pissing yourself off in the process.
Not only that, babes, but it’ll give you something to do.
It'll take much more of your very limited intelligence to do it that way.... it's much harder to be a total cunt and to be able to smile and laugh through it all at the same time. ...(she’s THE expert in this field, trust me).
Me:
(silence)
STEPH: Use you fucking brains, and stop being so lazy.
You and lazy don’t work well together, and ripping idiots a new arsehole through dull logic and reasoning is a walk in the park for you.
It’s almost like your bullying them – nothing wrong with that - but if it makes you miserable in the process, then it means you're being a dick.
Me: You have a point….
(I hate her sometimes..lol)
STEPH: Poor baby... I can hear your bottom lip sticking out, all the way from here!
(laughing).
More conversations……
…so... there you have it..... I was schooled.... Again.
Bugger.
She’s correct....Totally, 100%... correct.
Bugger.
“If you can’t deliver the death blows and be happy about it, stop doing it…" (her words, not mine)….
STEPH: Go kill ‘em tiger, and just make sure you keep smiling.... I know you.
So…. that’s the truncated version of the chat I had last night.
The salient points are pretty close to verbatim…
I’ll be taking two days 'off' next week (Mon/tues) from this bizarre ecosystem, while I go and meet up with an old 'acquaintance', and a very good friend…
It’s kinda funny actually, because one of things that I’ve said to people over the years ... something that I 'supposedly' lived by .(until it was pointed out by a friend, that I wasn’t).....
“If you can’t be happy doing what you’re doing, then do something else…”
As I wrote in a post only a day or four ago - I AM happy in the online environment - it's my 'will to power'.
The growing frustrations (and growing cynicism) without laughter is an issue.
It's time to lighten up ....same messages, different delivery systems...