A Companion Guide to having no companion



So, you're single, on your last pringle and think the whole I'm okay being alone thing doesn't work anymore. But it the year after the virus and you're craving companionship, however, you're inept at it.

How do you find a companion during these times? Here are some simple, effective and er foolproof ways:

  1. Japanese Body Pillow - No, you don't always need a human or a pet, you can also buy a novelty pillow that is squishy, quiet and doesn't crib about cuddling. So, head on over to Japan, buy one of these pillows, take them through airport security and Bob's your uncle. Just don't let Uncle Bob near the body pillow or you might end up alone again.

  2. Neighborhood Tinder creep - Open any dating app and there's that one person who'll swipe right for anything. They might be creepy friendly and just the person you're looking for. But take a weapon, just in case.

  3. Knock Knock Knocked up: You know how to avoid being forever alone and be tied to a noisy money guzzling human for the rest of your life, become a dad or a mom and discover the joys of adulting.

  4. Become a politician - Have you ever seen them alone? Never.

  5. Find "Her" - Get yourself an AI and fall in love with the machine learning algorithm like any normal person from 2050.

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