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I Feel Guilt And Terrible Inside Knowing My Parents Just Waits For Me Outside To Finish My Dialysis

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It started to rain while me and my mother was still outside my dialysis center waiting to be let in as we cannot go and wait in the waiting area of the dialysis center as part of the social distancing "new normal" due to CoViD pandemic so that it just adds safety but of course the patients and guardians are exposed to the dust and now rains.

The thunderstorm worsened just in time that I was already in my dialysis seat. I can just sense the muffled sound of the raindrops hitting the roof of the center and little that I knew that it was raining cats and dogs already.

My parents are very cautious, they just do not mingle with other guardians or relatives of the dialysis patients so they just chose to stay inside the car and endure the moist air inside as they could not really open the windows lest the inside of the car will get wet.

I myself really do not want to stay inside the car especially if it is raining because of the moisture build-up due to condensation. That is why my father is stiff on wiping the windshield when it is being used when it is raining.

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I we could not open the windows because we will just get wet. There was this instance where we are going home from my dialysis and I decided to open the window beside me just to let the windshield not to form condensation and let myself breathe fresh air then a fast car went best me showering me with flood water.

My father didn't even reacted, didn't even checked me out, didn't even got mad with the other driver of the car as if nothing happened. It is just him, he is too kind to other people.

What actually infuriates me is that he is responsible in taking out the A/C system of the car instead of maintaining it telling us that it eats fuel because of the load it gives to the car. Although it is true but not quite because the diesel engine of the car can handle the load.

It is just my father is too unreasonable in his efforts to save a minuscule amount of money with the diesel consumption. I could be wrong with that though because when I was confined at the hospital he kept on fiddling down the A/C of my room so it gets uncomfortable hot which verifies that he doesn't want aircondioning at all.

Now we all have to suffer when we use the car and it rains. It gets terrible now when both of them would wait for me inside that car miserable with dingy/moist air.

So I feel bad for them, I feel guilty and terrible myself in also dragging them with my misfortune. My parents should just be relaxing already as they are already old. I just thank God that they are health conscious even though my mother is already complaining on aches and pains.

So that is what I felt about our situation all because of my health issues and I hope that God would continue to look-out for us especially for my parents that I can never get out from this kind of mess that I am neck-deep stranded into.