JUST A LITTLE UPDATE:
Hi, welcome.
I haven't seen my friends in a minute and now that I have, life is suddenly worth living and I'm not even joking. My friends mean the world to me and I'm grateful I got to see and spend time with them again. One thing I love about being with my friends is how much we laugh, it is insane, sometimes I'm struggling to catch my breath because my ribs are hurting from laughing so much. Everything is way better with them; the conversations, the food, the jokes Etc.
My friends get me and my life fits in with them because I don't have to try too hard, I don't have to think about what I want to say or tone it down or anything. The also get my humor which is very important to me. People take me too seriously and that's because I look serious and often use serious words, but my friends know I'm nothing more than a pothead who just wants to do her time here and wrap it up. And most importantly, they let me get away with everything so I imagine they'll be around forever.
Here's a nice little selfie of myself.
Anyways, a lot has happened and on it goes and I am beginning to appreciate the endless motion of the universe. I used to be really nervous about this, always stressed about how it never ends and how unfair it is that we never get a break form this bubble of madness, but right now I appreciate it because like it or not, standing still is not how to play. I'm glad it keeps moving because that way we can afford balance. The endless activities, thoughts and drama is exactly how the engine keeps moving.
I think where I get it wrong is in trying to keep up; I have realized I don't always have to be on top of things, I don't owe that to anyone not even myself. I have started ignoring people a lot. I used to be obsessed with clarity but, upon fully grasping that people aren't always honest and some would say anything to get by, I had to stop caring too much about the value of people's words because I'm not even always honest myself, so it is a little rich to always move about expecting honesty and clarity from people. I tell myself it is okay to be confused, to be in the dark, the not know the full story.
TONING DOWN MY EXPECTATIONS.
Some times I know I'm a lot and can be guilty of expecting more from people that it is in their human nature to give. I often don't the extend the grace of humanness to people as much as I do for myself. Sometimes I push my person to the edge and blame them for jumping. I am an emotional wreck who expects the world to be kind to her for wearing her heart on her sleeve, but I'm also often emotionally unavailable whilst expecting my emotional needs to be taken care of. My point is I am a mess a much as the next person is, so maybe I should reduce my expectations of people in certain situations to avoid having to deal with a heartbreaking disappointment.
These day I tell myself 'people will always people', 'it's just people peopleling' when someone does something that is expected to affect me or cause a reaction from me. Aside developing a numb reaction to things as a trauma response, I find myself not caring enough about much these days and I'm fine with it. For the longest times, my need to make sense of things has always been a cause of madness for me, and since letting that go, I've become happier and a lot more at peace around people's thoughts and actions.
EVERYTHING IS OKAY.
This is literally my mantra going forward, Everything Is Okay. It doesn't matter what is happening, or how bad it is, I tell myself it is all okay. Because, really what is the worst that can happen? Whatever is going on at the moment will pass and another will follow because life never stops happening. So why waste time obsessing over something that wont even matter a few moments later? I tell myself I could be happier in the future or in a much bigger shit but who cares? It'll always be one thing after another, one person after another, some drama, some situation after another.
This doesn't eliminate the badness or impact of the pain in a situation, but at least it keeps me looking forward, holding a torch and keeping some hope alive. No one knows what they're doing here so this is me figuring out mine and and most importantly, making lots of mistakes. This season of my life is called Accepting the Messiness and Making Peace with the Unknown. It is yet another coping mechanism.
Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate your time and support.
All images shared are mine, thank you.
