I stare at the calendar for days, in order not to miss it out...
But I did, fuckitdammit, yesterday was...
Bday...
Her call woke me up today, I was avoiding making it cause of the illness all these days, we spoke, she said - I turned 54 yesterday, I crashed.
Hang up, there was a message on the screen "are you angry at me?"
Damn limbo, how could I!?
Beating the shit out of myself the whole day, trying to digest it.
Ofc she didn't get mad, she was never angry about such things, as she isn't adjusted to celebrate, but I loved to make her cake, that was our tradition that doesn't exist anymore.
I spent two hours looking for how to deliver the flowers to her - failure.
Then I turned to look out for a cake - failed again.
I can't believe that there is no damn service, at least one that doesn't cost me a fortune, and it's not about the present, it's all about attention - and I couldn't even afford that to her.
I'm sorry...
You know that you are the one who taught me to fight for myself, for my own independence, yeah, we never had that mother-daughter happy shopping-to-go relationship, but you are precious to me.
And we couldn't choose each other, this is us as we are.
Thank you for those precious cheekbones which I inherited from you.
VT.
Thank you @monochromes, this is my entry for the #monomad challenge, and thank you all for your time and interest in what I do 🙌