One of my colleagues made an interesting observation whilst reflecting on a discussion we were having about wellbeing and quality of life, and how I believe it is tied to community, and adding value to others, as well as the self. He brought up a book he had read about happiness, and while talking realized that the book was all about the self.
Happiness is selfish.
Being happy isn't selfish.
But "happiness" is a personal experience, and even though we can be happy for other people, we have been encouraged to maximize what makes us happy. Ultimately, this leads to more individualistic activities, because it is easier to get the sense of happiness when not having to consider others. And humans are inherently lazy, and will cut as many corners as possible to accomplish the result.
In the short-term, this works, but eventually the momentary actions for immediate gratification and that feeling of happiness starts to wear thin, no longer returning the same level for the effort. This leads to a ramping up of more "selfish" behaviors, which is why so many keep seeking the last gadget, a bigger car, a fancier house.
Ad I believe a lot of people are feeling the hedonist fatigue, where they are questioning their purpose ad place in society. But, society is difficult to consider when we have been encouraged to please ourselves for so long, that we have forget the benefits of being IBA functioning social group, one where there are interdependencies, and quality of life is intimately connected to quality of community.
I asked a hypothetical from my colleague that assumed that they did the perfect job raising their son.
Would he be happy?
What if everyone else did a terrible job of raising their children?
We spend a lot of time thinking about and perhaps even acting towards the physical environment we are leaving our kids. Talking about air quality and pollution, global warming and toxic waste. Yet, no matter how clean the air is, if society is failing, if relationships are failing, people will inevitably suffer.
Speaking with a second colleague today, the conversation continued, as we talked about children and when to have them. Personally, I wish I was able to have had mine earlier, but most people put off having children, either to focus on a career, or extend their youth.
But, the problem comes because while the twenties are prime party time, it is also when we can make the most impact on our financial security through investments, and having children tends to help many people focus on their career growth. By the time career advancement is really possible, the children are old enough to be left alone, and by the time higher up management positions that take extra time are obtained, the children are already out of the house. By mid-forties, there is a solid profession, and enough resources to do more, to get away, yo holiday, yo treat children and partners.
But now, we live in a world where one income isn't enough for a family to survive on, so two are needed. Then, with two people working, there is no time and energy to have the children, and enjoy life, so the opportunity cost for having children becomes too high, so focusing on career and extending youth is more attractive.
But, there is a growing number of 50-somethings who are now feeling that pinge of regret, with a career and financial security, or an extended youth of parties and concerts, but no one to share it with. And for some women who made the choice not to have children, that question of whether they should have, but it is now too late.
We have to live with our decisions, and there is always an opportunity cost. No of us can have it all. Yet, we have also set up a world where people are vying for work-life balance, when what would probably be far more beneficial for us as a society is, self-community balance. A world where we acknowledge that in order for us to be content, and those we care about to be content, we have to build a world where general wellbeing is part of the economy, part of the requirements in order to profit.
The interesting thing with an economy that requires wellbeing to realize profits, is that it doesn't just improve the community, but also improves the environment in which the community operates. Yet, in a "profit equals money" economy, the incentive is there to reduce wellbeing, to cut corners, to pollute, to find ways to maximize at the expense of wellbeing. If we are looking for a better experience for the individual, the model is broken, because it maximizes happiness of a person, over the wellbeing of the group.
"As long as you're happy"
It isn't good enough.
Taraz
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