Every fortnight I give myself an injection into my thigh at home, rather than having the IV drip at the hospital every two months. This is far more convenient for me and the results are better, as rather than pumping two months worth of drug into my body that fades away, it is a smaller, more consistent dose, so the immediate side effects (quite heavy for a week with the IV) are far less severe and, the overall result is more consistent with less variation across time. All in all, it is better.
However...
The last couple times I have done it, I have been getting very anxious about it, where it takes me a couple minutes to psych myself up for sticking the pen into my leg. I have been doing this for over six months already, so it isn't a "get used to it" kind of problem, it is something new. Also, I have been getting regular needles for almost thirty years now and while I don't like them, I am also not afraid of getting them.
I have no idea what has brought on this reaction, because even while I am sitting there with the pen in my hand, I know it is irrational, as the injection doesn't hurt and there are no real negatives to it. Yet, there is a sense of dread in it, where I feel my body reacting in almost a panic attack (I imagine) kind of way. I don't think I have ever felt this kind of feeling before, so it is interesting to observe.
Talking to a friend today and describing the feeling, he mentioned that it sounds similar to what happened to him a few years ago with flights. He had no fear of flying previously, but quite suddenly he started to get anxious on flights, which is a bit of a problem for a salesperson who travels a couple times a month around Europe.
It could very well be that it is some passing phase and I will get over it as fast as it arrived, but it is weird how something in my brain has clicked and completely shifted my experience. For example, I had to do this when I was travelling for work a month ago, and there I had no issue with it, yet two weeks later and yesterday, it was like I was mentally preparing to cut off my own finger with a pair of scissors.
Anyone else experienced similar?
This means that at least for now, I just have to power through it and plunge it in. Once it is in, the anxiety immediately disappears and I know this, but forcing my hand to press down is like moving a mountain. I have done a little googling on it, but the tips are for people who are afraid of needles and or the pain, but I am not in this category at all. I have zero fear of it. The other "tip" is to focus on the benefits of the treatment to overcome the anxiety, but again, this doesn't seem to be an issue for me in this case either and focusing on the benefits doesn't help me.
Observationally and reflectively, I find the situation super interesting as I see how difficult it might be for some people to overcome certain activities, even if they know that they should do it. And from the outside, it can seem like it is such an easy thing, so why would anyone have an issue? Yet, for those that are facing that challenge, it can seem at least in that moment, insurmountable.
I wonder how many people feel this type of anxiety when facing what to the majority of people, is just a mundane activity. Is it like this for people who have claustrophobia, or fear of crowds? Or when an agoraphobic tries to leave their house? Is it like this for those who get stage fright, or for some guys trying to approach a girl at a bar?
The body doesn't care about rational, it just reacts to how it is feeling, even if those feelings are irrelevant and perhaps even incorrect. For example, the body reacts with a changed heart rate or sweaty palms to dream or, the imagination picturing a scary monster under the bed, or in the wardrobe. A parent might try to say to a child that it "isn't real", but the response of the child's body is proving, it is. I guess this also speaks to how no matter how logical or illogical a situation is, our emotional state is is going to impact on our behavior, whether we want it to or not.
While this situation might disappear again or I will learn ways to cope with it or force my way through, it is a good reminder at how seemingly small things can become large hurdles and if we don't face them, we may be doing more damage than good, even if in the short-term, we are more comfortable. Avoidance doesn't lead to solution, it just compounds the problems.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]