We were walking back from the beach on our final night and the girls were a little ahead of me, as I was snapping a few random images as we walked. For some reason I turned around from the way we had came, just in time to see a guy miss his footing on the kerb and unceremoniously faceplant straight into the pavement. Like most people in this weather, he was wearing sunglasses.
It wasn't pretty.
I helped him up and had a look at his head, which had a couple of deep gashes - the kind that take a moment or two to start bleeding. He and his wife were looking at his skinned knee, while I knew the blood was coming above his eye. By this point, my wife and daughter arrived just in time to see the arrival, and a passerby handed me some alcohol sanitizer swabs.
All the time, the poor guy's wife was constantly chattering and saying,
"How'd you do that, love?"
"He doesn't normally fall over."
"I'm wearing higher-heeled shoes and I didn't fall."
"He normally walks so well."
I am not sure if she was in shock or just oblivious to the situation, but I asked where they were staying and had to tell them several times that they needed to have it taken care of, as the cuts were quite deep. During this time, Smallsteps was crying and scared, as she has never seen that much blood before, especially on someone's face.
We spent about ten minutes with them until they were steady enough to make the walk back to the hotel (the same as we were in and only a few hundred meters away) and get some proper assistance.
However, as we continued on our walk, Smallsteps who when scared, looks for clarity, asked why we needed to stay and help, and my wife said that if someone needs help, we help. But then, I added, as long as you aren't going to put yourself at too much risk or danger too.
How do you know what is too dangerous?
It is always easier to give a relevant example, so I used seeing someone drown to illustrate, where I said that if you saw someone drowning, but can't swim well yourself, if you jump in to help, there will then be two people drowning and in need of help. Best intentions need to be cross-referenced with ability. Not everybody is equipped to directly help in every way, so even if one wants to, it can be better not to, or find other ways, like calling for help.
I am someone who stops to help push a broken down car, my wife is someone who will buy a bottle of water and a dish to give to a seagull who looks thirsty, so I am guessing Smallsteps is going to follow somewhat in our footsteps. However, there is also the need to evaluate the situation (quickly at times) and make a decision, weighing up circumstances, potential risks and costs.
Being ten minutes late and a little dirty to an appointment due to pushing a car in winter slush is acceptable (to me).
Getting in the middle of a fight between two unknown, adult men is not. They can sort that shit out themselves.
Stopping a man beating on a woman, is acceptable to me. But, if I am walking with my daughter, it isn't acceptable, but will find help.
Often though, we don't really know what we are going to do in the situation, until we are actually amid it, because when things happen, our instincts kick in and we react. If we aren't practiced in taking stock and evaluating first, our default reactions are going to take the fore, and they aren't likely to be honed to perform well, often resulting in freezing out of fear or, inability to make a decision on how to act.
If I was there, I would have...
Oh, really?
We hear it all the time, especially when the person saying it unlikely has the right skills to "be there", like when commenting on a professional sports athlete's actions. It is similar in difficult situations though, isn't it? Most people can imagine how they would act, but don't consider if they could act if the need arose. We can visualize ourselves as the hero, but in our imagination, the weight of reality has no gravity. We can move more smoothly. We can lift more, people react exactly how we imagine they will.
We don't consider that the person drowning is in a panic and will flail and fight us, severely impacting our ability to help them, while they cling to us and stop our ability to help ourselves either.
We might want to help, but unless we have a pretty good idea as to whether we can, we might end up doing more harm than good, making the situation potentially far worse for all involved. A good Samaritan, or a foolish hindrance depends on the outcome of events. Of course, if there is no other option, it is better to try and do something and fail, than fail by doing nothing at all.
While I do think that most people would like to help others, I also believe that our social culture of disconnection often gets in the way, as does our lack of experience. I think that practice doesn't come from the bigger events, it is a series of steps, and the more we take direct interaction with others out of life experience, the less we build up the skills to deal when shit actually hits the fan.
It is like anything of value, or any skill, it is a series of small steps that lead on to something greater. If we don't start getting curious, asking questions and seeking clarity, we will continually be scared of the world around us and anything that makes us feel uncomfortable - which is anything we don't understand, or situations we have no experience with.
Small steps is all we have to take, to change ourselves and the world.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]