I read in the comments yesterday that the heart can skip a beat when... Further, any event that inspires.
We don't say that in my language. I really liked that phrase. I love the way it sounds. How it's spelled and even how it smells.
My heart can skip a beat very often. Over the years, men often have that function turned off or broken. Besides, we are rocks. Men don't cry, as we say. That's what boys have been told since they were 3 years old. That is, we are not supposed to show our emotions, weaknesses, or even feelings. Feelings are the fastest way to get kicked. And they do... So by pretending half your life, you gradually become what you pretended to be.
The way away from yourself.
The wrong way.
But everyone has to take it. One way or another. Sooner or later. Sleepless nights come into your house without knocking, and they don't take a hint. Because this conversation is important. A conversation with yourself that cannot be interrupted by slamming the door or moving elsewhere. At least for a long time...
In a way, I was lucky. This conversation was always present in my life. My parents didn't explain a lot of things to me. In that time and place, it was not customary for ordinary workers. My environment did not consist of scientists, writers, or artists. But there were plenty of books in our library. So my first touches of the great were between these lines in black and white. That's when for the first time MY heart skipped a beat...
That's when my conversation with myself was triggered. It was perfect, almost. But real life screams different people that "men don't cry." And those rocks are impregnable. As a result, there are thousands of men crying around these rocks. Beautiful rocks prop up the sky, but will that sky fall to the ground? No, just stop the clouds, which will spill in droplets, flooding those who didn't ask for it...
Growing up, there is less and less time for books, thoughts, feelings. More and more work. I am farther and farther away from the path to myself. Money comes and goes. So do the people for whom it is the only value. Next comes alcohol, pills and tobacco. In various ways, that's the way life has gone for many I've seen around me. It's normal, I told myself.
Normality you can't believe in, but I pretended.
It had become normal to pretend for any reason. And it all started when I was 3 years old, when men don't cry.
It all started with the wrong conclusions. One thing led to another. But there was no one to explain it to me.
And when I had already come to terms with and accepted everything going on around me, I once again saw something that made my heart skip a beat. An unideal person at a perfect time. That's how I knew I still had a chance in this life. And so it was.
My world is again what it was when I was a kid. Men still don't cry, but they can feel it in their skin. I'm finally on my way to myself. Better later than never. Rocks can protect us from the wind, and not only that...
All photos were taken by AI Hugging Face