Those were the words I uttered to my wife at some point this weekend. Little did I know that I was going to be the one that really needed to hear them. First of, in the likely long list of things you should never say to your wife, "You Need to Calm Down" probably ranks pretty high up there.
I knew it as soon as the words finished coming out of my mouth. Thankfully, @mrsbozz isn't the sort to hold my stupidity against me, so we continued our day in regular fashion with little to no repercussions.
It wasn't until early this morning that things came full circle.
I've been suffering from what I guess you could classify as "nocturnal panic attacks" for a little over 10 years now. In my life I've maybe had at most twenty of them in that time. It's actually a bit hard to measure, because you never know when or why they are going to happen.
The first time you have one though, it's something you don't ever forget. I seriously thought I was having a heart attack. I was in a hotel room down in Ohio and like the rest of them it happened in the middle of the night.
The rapid heart rate is what gets me the most. I can just heat it and feel it pounding in my head. It's so fast you think there is now way it can keep up and something has to burst. Sweating, shortness of breath, plus a couple other symptoms, it's kind of easy to think that you might be having a heart attack.
I tried tracking it for a while each time it would happen so I could see if there was some kind of connection or trigger. Sadly, it doesn't seem there is. Stress and bad dreams are the most common causes from what I can read.
I followed the typical male path and tried to ignore it for a while. I mean, I'd sometimes go a year without having one, so it was kind of easy to forget. Eventually I did mention it to my doctor and that's when she told me it was probably a panic attack and she didn't seem too concerned about it.
I have a new doctor now, and there is a good chance I will mention it again next time I go in. I'm almost wondering if I am suffering from sleep apnea and that is triggering it. I can't think of anything more stressful than stopping breathing while you are sleeping! What do I know though, I am not a doctor.
The sad part is, as bad as the panic attack is, the aftermath is almost as bad. It literally drains all your energy. I was supposed to work out this morning but @mrsbozz suggested I skip after I let her know I had another attack.
It was a smart move, but not working out tends to screw up my day and routine a bit, so what started as an already off kilter day, got even more out of whack by messing up my schedule. I'm sitting at my work desk now and I am still feeling the effects. I'm just tired and everything feels a bit out of focus.
The other thing I never would of guessed is how much you have to pee after you have one. It's like every five minutes. No lie.
The funny thing is, as usual, I can't really pinpoint what may have triggered it. Besides the ongoing issues we have had with Jovi, the only thing that is stressing me out right now is my treadmill.
They were supposed to deliver it last Thursday, but things got messed up and now they have to deliver it today. They can't give me an exact time except sometime between 9 and 5. I let them know that I work a half hour away from where I live, so I need some lead time to get there before the delivery guy does.
That means I am basically on call today and need to be ready at the drop of a hat to rush home and try to get this 300 pound device moved into my house. It seems silly that could be the thing causing me so much trouble, but it's the only thing that really comes to mind.
I feel like there was a time that something like this might have been frowned upon to talk about in public like this. I've never really been the sort to keep things to myself though. Plus, it's not something I'm causing or doing to myself, it's something that's happening to me for some unknown reason. Why should I be ashamed about that?
I've gotta tell you though, my heart goes out to people who have panic attacks more frequently and/or during the day. It's no joke at all.
Who knows, maybe my new doctor will say it is something else entirely.
Have you ever had a panic attack? What do you remember most about it? Do you get them a lot? I'd love to hear your comments!
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