Life has been both beautiful and somehow lately, I’ve just been generally trying to survive most days and other days I’d be like okay I can do this, in fact I’m already doing this! That’s what makes living worthwhile innit? Having troubles some days that cause you to doubt your existence and getting a solution helping you realize that it was just another phase to a better phase.
As a girl, I’ve been faced with a lot of wrong decision making as regards most of my relationships and going forward it doesn’t even get easier. As much as I’d love to stay away from having anything to do with a guy as a girl, it isn’t just easy at all. I have to let go of my feelings or should I say suppress my feelings but it doesn’t just work that way or does it? I’ve found myself in need of someone to love me and also willing to love someone even though I’m not ready for it yet. I guess it’s just the normal urge to be loved and to love.
Well, in as much as it’s hard for me to stop my feelings towards a guy, the one thing that makes it easier for me is the fact that I’m not ready for an heartbreak or to break someone’s heart too and also, I want to be with someone who is not just going to be in for the now. I know we don’t know the future but I’ve always believed that I want to be with someone who sees himself with me forever if possible and knowing that this is hard to come by, it has given me the opportunity to set my priorities right as regards being in a relationship.
And besides, dating is something that comes with a lot of responsibilities and I don’t think I’m cut out for any of them. In as much as I want to be loved, I do know that there are some certain things I don’t want to be doing now especially when I’m very sure I don’t plan getting married now. And also I’m not ready to be a mother too, heheh. But then, in all of these, I still struggle with knowing when and when not to push someone away from me.
I do have a lot of principles as regards whether or not I should be in a relationship and that is because I know that if I get it wrong at any point I will be the one to suffer for it. Yes, love is a beautiful thing and finding someone that loves us is also beautiful but then I do wish those things can be on hold but no, it’s not possible, like I said, they are part of what makes the troubles we face as humans everyday and until we find a solution, we will see it as a thorn in our flesh.
So what do you advise? Should I keep being a strong girl and avoid relationships or I should be more lenient so I don’t drive my future husband away? lol. Do well to leave your comment below. This is kinda personal but I just felt like sharing to hear your opinion and I hope I get good results from this 🤍.