I thought I might try journaling. I want to start with some kind of disclaimer or explanation, but then again I guess I don’t, and I’d like this journal to start off honest and true to myself, so I’m not going to.
28 APRIL 2024
I’m thinking an ok place to start would be to review and contemplate my intentions; where do they come from, what values do they support, etc. I’m just going to go through them in order, and first up is: PHYSICAL HEALTH/FITNESS.
I CHERISH HOW HEALTHY I AM, AND HOW GREAT I FEEL. I LOVE HOW I LOOK IN THE MIRROR: PERFECT BODY WEIGHT, LEAN AND STRONG. I FEEL POWERFUL AS I PLAY THE YIDAKI FOR LONG PERIODS WITH COMFORT AND EASE, AND AS I CONFIDENTLY OVERCOME PHYSICAL CHALLENGES. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE ENDORPHIN RELEASE THAT MAKES MY THINKING CLEARER AND BRIGHTER. I FULLY RECEIVE THE EXTRA OXYGEN INTAKE AS IT PURIFIES MY BLOOD AND ORGANS. I LOVE HOW I FEEL: POWERFUL, STRONG, CLEAR AND VIBRANT…READY TO EMBRACE LIVE TO THE FULLEST.
Right now I don’t really feel this way. I generally don’t enjoy exercise in my present state, although I can remember a time not long ago, and several times throughout my life when I managed to carry strong feelings in favor of physical exercise.
This intentional is aligned with several of what I currently hold as my core values; namely:
Determination, Growth, Pleasure and Self-Reliance.
…although I hold these values in high esteem, I tend to hold Creativity and Spirituality in far higher regard. This may sometimes be at the heart of my hesitation to dedicate myself to eating right and exercising as I must in order to become what I am meant to be. Not that eating right and exercising are in disharmony with these values, but maybe more because I am limiting myself with a perceived scarcity of time; a scarcity which convinces me that I may make time for things creative or spiritual, but that I cannot do the same to nurture my self-reliance and all the other values underlying this intention.
Today I choose to overcome this perceived scarcity.
Speaking of today, my wife and I were deep cleaning our house today. She knows nothing of my intentions to befriend birds, but she uses this phrase from time to time anyway. So as we’re cleaning, she’s kneeling and wiping down a cabinet, I’m touching up paint around the house, drudging through the work and wishing I could be putting my feet up and treating my weekend like a weekend, when she says “All this cleaning is for the birds!”
I remembered something I learned on the matter of alchemy I believe although I’m not sure. It was that when you’re asking for something, you should also always say what you’re willing to give in return. I thought about the Bhagavad Gita, when Krishna told Arjuna how even simple work could be a gift to God, so long as it was done with that intention. I’ve often pondered what I really want and what I would be willing to trade in exchange for it, only to come up blank on both - but all this shot through my soul in the instant Shawn she said it and I thought, I’d be willing to offer all this work as a gift in exchange for bird friends. I would do my best at everything I did today, would be as productive as possible, and would do it all as an act of making offering in exchange for my bird friends.
”Hell yeah it is!” I said - “every last bit of this shit is for the birds!”* I laughed and wandered up the stairs to go putty dents and paint as needed.
As i finished my work for the day, a crow landed on the highest tree behind our house and looked at the pile of peanuts i had laid out for just this occassion - it was happening! I crept alowly to the back door, hoping to sneak outsode and speak with him. But my four year ild daughter saw him as well. She pushed past me and ran to the screen door, whacking at the handle and trying her best to impersonate the crow calls she’s heard me doing over the past few weeks. He shot of a distress call and took off 🤣
I’m sure ill get another chance - honestly it was cool to see her taking an interest and trying, even if she lacks the subtlety and discipline needed to approach these intelligent and defensive birds.
There’s a cardinal who comes back every year and hangs out in our backyard. I named him Farnese. Today I wondered if he hangs out here because of some roots he has from before this house was built. Probably not im guessing, the house i think was built in 2016…how old do cardinals get? Anyway, he has been bringing this orange/brown friend around this year, and i wonder, are the males and females different in color? I guess i could search that online. But he snagged a few peanuts, so I’m goi g to stay open to the idea that maybe ill be friends with a different kind of bird, or perhaps even many types.
All in all it was a nice day. We mostly cleaned all day, but it was for the birds, so well worth it in my opinion. I didn’t make much progress towards my intention to improve my fitness, but I over-ate a little less than I have the past few nights, so it’s fair to say that I’m building some momentum in the right direction.
Thanks for checking out some more of my work! As always, I hope you enjoyed witnessing as much as I enjoyed creating!
© Photos and words by @albuslucimus, except where otherwise indicated.
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