To know better what is real, one must have experienced what is false, in this case, the feeling of love. This happened to me in my first year at the university. Funny I didn’t meet him in my school but when I was sent on an impromptu errand to a university far from mine. Whence mine was in Abuja, his, was in Minna - a 154.5km distance of an approximate 3 to 4 hours journey using the bus.
I got to the state under such tedious conditions of uncomfortable rides, it may be because I dislike long journeys on buses or cabs. Upon arrival in Niger state, the second ride had me squeezed into a cab like canned fish, I sat in the front that should carry only two passengers- the driver and his attending passenger on his right. It contained me and a plus-size guy squeezing me in with the gear handle that the driver moved now and then. And each time he did, the excruciating pain in my developing hips was indescribable.
I finally made it to Minna in one piece, not without body pains and a foul mood. I was there to get all the information necessary for my brother’s admission to the federal university of technology Minna, which entailed I visited the bank before it would close up at 4 pm. At the counter of the bank, I asked questions and wrote down every piece of information that was placed on the counter as well as those I got from the bank attendant. There was this young man who was a student of that institution at the time that steered at me from a close distance. He walked up to help and was kin on the attendants replying speedily.
He was so helpful indeed. I expressed my gratitude and made for the exit door of the bank. He followed as well as though done with what he was there for. He asked for my phone number which I was reluctant to give at first. Then he said he would want to know if I arrived safely, as I mentioned that I had to hurry up and catch the bus to return to Abuja. I knew not, that a newfound relationship would ensue from that, which indeed was my first. Oh! was he persistent in sending messages to calling so often that it got to a point I began avoiding him?
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He got through by having his sibling call and said something that had me thinking “how would you know what romantic love is when you have never experienced it? And who says love can't grow in time?”. So I gave it a try and though with scepticism at first, I enjoyed every bit of that experience as he taught me how a relationship should be even at a distance. Loads of communication.
We began a distant relationship where we exchanged calls every day. From his insistence, we alternated calls- where, when he would call in the morning, I owed him a call in the evening and vice-a-vice.
He creates a love letter to send to me, and with that too we took turns sending sweet nothings to each other. In one of our daily calls he uttered the words I LOVE YOU which I was told to say back as it was a norm in any relationship (yeah! I was naive) I know better now (feel it first before you utter it, not because it’s an automated reply and not that you had to).
At the time, free midnight calls were available and we spoke at length as we always had a lot to talk about. When we ran out of what to say, he would play soothing and cool music in the background and place his phone a little close to the speaker (which I loved so much) whilst he went off to ease himself.
I was in love with a boy I could barely remember facially, as there were no video calls or picture phones at the time. In truth, I created an image of him in my mind's eye and was in love with that personality. When you say the words ‘I love you’ and write it every so often, you start to believe you feel it.
It all came to an end when he travelled down to my school from Minna. I saw a different personality/ character from the one I created in my mind (a gentle, kind and loving gentleman) then I discovered I was in love with someone who never existed, in this case, an infatuation.
As years passed and I grew wiser. I fell in love with someone new, I was so hooked, loved the scent of his cologne which brought fond memories of our hand-in-hand long walks, eating together at scenery eateries (both dressing to impress🕴👗) to small restaurants, hanging out in gardens…
I wanted to hear from him, speak to him every day, talk at length spend time together so often that we can just sit together and not necessarily say anything and just feel at home and peace.
The thought of him was unwavering that I could end up praying for his wellbeing much more than I would for me. When these feelings are genuinely reciprocated it is indeed magical (I was in the clouds:)), especially from a non-psychopath (a story for another day).
Love for me has happened in both ways... Love at first sight (for me- a crush) :) it is dreamy.
Sometimes it grows on me starting with a good conversation which is also very beautiful with the thrill of unpredictability. They are both unpredictable though as any could just end up being a one-sided type of love that is very much undesired.
The key to keeping these feelings alive to me is meeting each other at the points of how we love to receive love. Being able to share most desires and not be judged. Communicating love every opportunity we get through a random peck on the forehead and a deep look in the eyes saying how beautiful your love looks and saying the words ‘I love you!’ as you feel it.
Desiring comfort, peace and joy for the other through gifting, spending time together intentionally doing the things you both love and learning to love each other the way you both would love to be loved every day, as you tick off random things to do in expressing love every day. You could scribble down a handwritten letter of your feelings to your partner or play a follow-the-clues game of love and the likes.
Source:pixabay
Maybe differently with compromise as you allow yourself to fall in love with sports because your significant other loves sports and the other with sop-operas because the one you love, loves it so much. When you both can and make the effort to impact positively in each other’s lives, do some things together both exciting and ordinary in bringing out the best of each other- your love will be set in stone. These are my take though.
The moment one of the two love birds stops making the effort to express love and genuine care. The feelings start to fade.
Do you think this last statement is true? Or better still, how do you love to be loved?
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Happy Valentine’s Day lovelies 😘 and a splendid season of love❤️