Exhale the expectations, says @trucklife-family in her beautiful poem Grow myself this week and these words felt and worked as a healing.
I have never had a clear image of my dream life, a certain goal. That doesn't mean that I don't have dreams or that I don't care about the future. No, I am not that carefree :)
My vision of my life in 5 years... It has colors, it has smell, clear sound, touch, taste and feelings.
Blue and green, Mark Rothko
I wish I could paint, I would try to show it through painting. Instead I am going to "borrow" the paintings of one of my favorite painters, Mark Rothko. The way he uses the color touches me deeply and when I was thinking of this post, some of his paintings automatically started parading in front of my soul's eyes.
Blue in Blue, Mark Rothko
When you don't have a specific career, family, financial etc goal the problem is that you don't know the steps that you have to follow to get closer to that goal. I follow a feeling and this means that I try things and see what brings me closer to that feeling, also during the process, what makes me feel me. Intuition plays a major role and I am learning how to surrender, I am learning how to trust myself. And like this, I move in life. Sometimes things I do seem contradictory or irrelevant to each other.
If I manage to be honest to myself even in the least expected situation I keep on track.
When I am not honest with myself I lose my balance and I move away of what truly makes me feel good.
In the end, I feel that somehow everything has a purpose, or at least that's the way I like to think about it.
Earth and Green, Mark Rothko
My vision has the smell of clear fresh air, fertile soil, basil and freshly cut fruits. The taste of a juicy tomato, cherries but also oregano and hot strong cocoa. The sound of a calm see in a sandy beach, of the leaves of a plane tree rustling, of friends laughing and of true, honest conversations and glasses of wine clinking while music is playing in a record player. The feeling of free space and free time, and the warmth of beloved ones, persons and animals around me in a protective circle. All the colors changing from pale to vivid, colors that I find too girly for my taste or too happy invade in my vision and balance it all.
Lilac and Orange over Ivory, Mark Rothko
Can you understand what I am looking for? If yes, please let me know. For now all I know is that I want to be close to nature, I need pleasure, I need my space but I also need to share my space. Is it immature not to make things clear? Maybe. Is this the way my brain works? Maybe.
Is it immature to be close to your forties and not wanting a specific career, still not knowing if you want a family or where you want to live? Maybe. But that's me. I move slowly, but I also make unexpected leaps.
I want to be close to nature because she nurtures me and close to the sea because she gives me joy. Will the house I will live in be an old stone-built house in a small village, a cottage house in the field or a campervan constantly moving? We'll see.
Art is an adventure into an unknown world, which can be explored only by those willing to take risks. Mark Rothko
I want to work with the soil. Will it still be professionally, will it be as a hobby, I don't have a clue.
I want to keep weaving. Will I be doing it professionally, will it be a hobby, again not a clue.
For now, they both feel good. Of course I make plans and take business risks and all these serious things, but if I feel I need to change it, I hope I will be honest to myself and change it without second thought.
Will I have kids, many dogs, cats or goats? No idea.
Step by step. I exhale the expectations.
This is my third month on HIVE. It's not long, but I had never dreamed that I would be able to share so many things through a blog and meet some truly amazing people and inspirational communities in this platform.
I am not the type of person that writes. This is the first time in my life that I do it and I didn't expect that it could be so liberating. It is different than thinking and daydreaming, I have to sit down and put my thoughts in an order (or at least try!) and it makes me feel lighter. Like clearing things up, making space every time.
And reading what other people think and feel is so beautiful. Some of them I wish they lived closer, I would like to have dinner with them and long walks!
This sharing is amazing. That's certainly not what I had in mind when I was thinking of social media. And so much knowledge around. There are communities about herbalism and natural medicine and so much more that work like schools!
The fact that you can make some money out of this pure joy is the cherry on top! I had never thought that us, common mortals, can share whatever we can share and get payed. That certainly gives some serious hope to whoever dreams of more free time and less worries about money, and I guess that includes almost everyone!
HIVE is kind of a new world to me. Exploring, traveling, learning, sharing, chatting and laughing with people I couldn't have met otherwise. It feels like it belongs to my path and I am curious about how it is going to evolve. I am certainly grateful.
Untitled, Mark Rothko
This is my entry to the contest by The Ladies of Hive community asking this week:
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? Has Hive changed your prospects?
I would like to invite @trucklife-family if she has the mood the time to participate. This way I can thank her for her beautiful poem once again!