Have you ever wondered the role that society plays in our personal development?
This is me:
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A 35 year old woman who seems to be fine but underneath that face hides a few big fears about self confidence and self image, after years of fat shaming....
This is my little sister:
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A 23 year old woman who lives sfraid of going out alone because of the grosse comments she gets by almost anyone who lays eyes upon her.
WE BOTH have been forced to change the way we dress and the way we behave because of years of harrasement, although they came from different fronts:
Mine came from people who I thoght were my friends but they only mocked me because I was overweight. They pointed, they laugh at me for the way I ate or what I ate even if it was just a salad), they even wrote a song called Re-Cow
From that point on, I changed the way I dressed to try and hide those extra kilos I had; my choice of clothing always was 2 or 3 sizes over with the hope that the pointing stoped. It didn't...
Also, I always have been more comfortable around boys than around girls, maybe because I feel that every girl is much more pretty than me; and I've had men friends who have been a huge support for me, but this closeness has made me undesirable to the opposite sex and that is one of the main reasons why I'm still single: I'm always the friend, that's it.
As for my sister, she is the sweetest girl I've ever met; she is shy but once people get to know her they absolutely love her. Her choice of clothing since her teenage years have been Skiny Jeans and Wide T-Shirts, and from the start, and because she have's a nice body, people, mostly men, have always teased her for it: If you look like that at 14 can't wait to see you at 18, or Can't wait to ride that
Then she made a decision: she changed her hair and started to use it short, no make up no earings, nothing that made her look like a girl. Then she became objet of desire for the other side of the audience: women. People started to think that because she looked like a boy then she most be a lesbian (a huge misconception) and even started to get advances from other girls who really liked her.
Before what happened to me, I liked they way I looked, and I was happy with myself; now I always question if I'm to fat, If that jean fits me well, If my hair is ok. And although I now choose Confort over Style, I still have a big fear inside me that jumps out every time I look at the mirror: I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skiny enough, nobody will want me ever. I only thank God that I haven't developed a eating desorder.
My sister never wants to go out alone, she's always feeling subconsious about how she looks in the eyes of others, and always try to cover herself up with the hope of not getting the comments she usually gets. She wears sweaters to go out even though the standar temperature in our town is around 34ºcelsius.
This is a real life testimony about how the society around us is a key to our personal development, about how no matter how hard we try to not let hateful comments transcend, when people are victims of any tipe of harrasement or abuse, it changes you forever
We are lucky to have a loving family and loving friends who love us for what we are and for what we have become over the years, and despite our fears and we've been through we are funtional adults thankfully, and are able to speak up with the purpose of healing and helping others with our story.
✨✨That's it for today. Thank's for reading me. Till next time ✨✨
