I had the opportunity to have a conversation with my boss, who just got married to his 5th wife. We discussed marriage and I was shocked about his thoughts on marriage. “Women are to be submissive to their husbands and the husbands have full rights to control his wife(es)” he said so proudly while I stood there at his table clueless. I have always had this mentality that women are the same as men. We both are humans, we both have blood flowing through our veins, and we breathe the same air. I see no reason for inequality and discrimination. “Once you’re married your husband will make all the choices for you,” he said so naturally while I was still standing trying to process his words.
“What will you do if your husband wants you to be a housewife instead of working your dream job?” This was the question that got me thinking what will I do? However, I gave him an immediate response saying “Since my future husband and I are both educated, I will talk to him and give him reasons why I would love to pursue my dream career instead of being a housewife and if he still adamantly or forcefully I will probably file for divorce.“ He laughed and said “you still don’t understand. Men are superior to women, no amount of feminism can change that”
I went back home with a storm of questions. Will I live the rest of my life after marriage solely for my husband? Isn’t it more like enslavement? Will my future husband give me the leverage to make my own decisions and pursue my dreams? Will I just spend my four-year hard-earned degree in the kitchen if he wants me to be a housewife? Am I naive to think men and women are equal?
I felt dumb and confused. Maybe he was right, it is almost impossible to find a man whose ego will allow you to make decisions on your own. Especially in this part of the world. Africa is deeply rooted in culture and one of the cultures is for women to be in the kitchen, submissive and always catering for the family. It's like a taboo for women not to know how to cook, but is ok if a man doesn't know how to cook; it is so natural for a man to have 5 wives but is absurd for a woman to file a divorce.
I have zero experience with marriage but to my limited understanding, I feel like marriage is more or less women's enslavement. Marriages are awesome yet sometimes feels like a glorified prison.
They say “Men are the breadwinners, women the caretakers; men provide the house, women make it a home; men decide, women support.” I get it, it is the order of nature. Perhaps women were created for men, to live their lives for them. Maybe marriage is a form of commensalism where only the man benefits, or symbiosis where men and women equally benefit?
There has been a long fight for gender equality but is it worth it? Maybe it is natural and it can not be changed; men will forever be superior; it is like trying to change a leopard’s spot. Maybe gender equality doesn't apply to marriage? Maybe a marriage with equal power that I have always fantasized about is just too far-fetched or am I delusional?
What are your thoughts on marriage?
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