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On different occasions, I have had people ask me if I would like to open a joint account with my spouse and if it's right to reveal how much I earn as a wife. I just smile because "What is the big deal in it sharing how much I earn as a wife who wants to be submissive to her husband?"
Many are against the idea of having a joint account with their spouses because of something that has been a major issue in relationships and marriages, and that is "Trust Issues". Some people have this trust issue that they find it hard to reveal some things about themselves even when they are married legally and realise that since they are one, they are supposed to be open to themselves and not hide anything again.
Most women are also insecure about their finances that they feel exposing how much they earn could be a problem to them especially when they need money from their partner, they won't get it since the man already knows they have money, so why requesting for another? In another sense, some women are scared to commit to a joint account because they fear something might happen later which could cause the husband to embezzle the money since they both have the right to get money out. So, to avoid this, they rather own their finances and do whatever they want with them without revealing in detail how much they earn.
There was an experience I witness some years back where the wife earns more than the man and she never discloses the real amount to him. Once they have both collected their salaries, the woman would lie about her own money while making sure the husband performs his duty by paying the kids' school fees and leaving money for food while the wife keeps her money. After a year, this man got to know the actual amount she earns, and ever since then, the relationship turned upside down. The man refused to drop money for food, though he was still performing his duty in paying the children's school fees. The wife feels it is the responsibility of the man to handle all affairs at home while holding onto her money which isn't right. Some men won't even mind doing those things even when they know how much their wives earn.
The truth is that if the foundation of something isn't well defined, it affects a whole lot of things. It makes the whole building collapse and it's always difficult to rebuild back to its normal state sometimes. Before marriage, there are questions to be asked to be sure of who you are committing with. Questions like:
- Are we going for joint or separate accounts when we get married?
- Are we going to be sharing the responsibilities at home?
- Should we know how much we both earn without hiding anything from each other?
Questions like these, if not well thought out could ruin a relationship. Finances are important to be talked about before one goes into marriage because, without this, the family cannot succeed in other areas in their homes. There is nothing bad in letting your spouse know how much you earn because you two have become one and secrets shouldn't be kept between you. One thing some people fail to realise is that sharing full details of their finances in a relationship or marriage is an important aspect of building trust, transparency and open communication. Doing this can lead to financial planning and making decisions jointly. They will be open to each other's financial situations like debt and financial goals.
My pastor said something one day that once two people have been joined together, they are now one and whatever they do should be an agreement between them. One of them is the issue of finances.
In another case, a man may also feel bad, insecure and jealous knowing how much his wife earns which is bigger than his. His whole thought would be that she may not respect him anymore and see herself as the boss in the home. This isn't always like this as we still have some women who are determined to stay loyal and support their partners even when they earn higher than them. It's all about being intentional and understanding that trust and love are both ingredients to a long-lasting relationship. Once she can realise this, such a woman won't even think of acting bossy over her partner because she earns more. This is mostly why most men are scared to allow their wives to work but to sit all day at home performing the role of a full housewife.
Just like I said, trust is all that matters here. When there is love, trust, transparency and open communication, both partners won't find it difficult to share details of how much they earn knowing it is for their benefit in taking care of the home and still maintaining each other's position. It is what I will do too because I want to be open totally with my husband without hiding anything. Even if he doesn't know now, he will later which might cause a lot of damage in my home.
This is my response to the Ladies of Hive prompt question that was asked by @merit.ahama I thought it's been a while in the community and seeing the questions for this week, I got interested in participating, hence my joining in for this one. With this, I would be inviting @adoore-eu and @nkemakonam89 to participate too. Here is the link
Thanks for your time on my blog.
