In this week the 2 questions from the @Ladiesofhive - Ladies of Hive Community Contest #142 put up by @saffisara are:
1️⃣ Is there anything you see inside of yourself you're not sure of?
~ 𝐀𝐍𝐃 / 𝐎𝐑 ~
2️⃣ What is that one childhood fear you have not told anyone yet?
Let's talk about the 1st question:
Is there anything I see inside of myself that I am not sure off?
Yes. there are times when I conflict with myself. I have always been a family person and for me my family means everything to me. I cannot imagine myself being without my family, also the second question connects to this one. The fear that I have? It's not exactly a fear but that feeling of insecurity of what will happen to me if I even have to be without my family. Specially my hubby. I do get thoughts at times, what will my future be if ever I have to live without him. As much as I am independent, I am also very emotionally dependent on him.
But with all of this emotional baggage that I carry, sometimes I also conflict with myself. I feel that I would like to be totally alone by myself and sometimes I feel like I want to give up on everything and go away somewhere far away from everyone, where I can just be myself. I feel like I want to live my life totally to myself with nothing on my head. And I feel that these family matters do drain me out at times.
You know that feeling, when all the problems in your life are not because of you and coming from all the people around you. In such times, you want to be with them and then you also feel you want to be away from them.
So, what is that I really want. Honestly, I will not say I am not sure. I know there are no second thoughts, I will always want to be with my family, no matter what. But still these conflicting thoughts do occur to me.
Coming to the 2nd question, my childhood fear.
So many bad things have happened in that time, and somewhere this thing has creeped into my mind that if anything good happens in my life then a bad thing will follow and my happiness will be taken away. I do not like to express my happiness too much, because I feel somewhere that if I express, it will be taken away from me.
I try to release these blocks from my mind, but sometimes they still over power me. Good and bad times keep happening in our lives. Over the last few years, I have worked a lot on myself to overcome all these emotional blocks that I have carried from my childhood times. I have done a good amount of work on myself and been successful but there are times when I get taken down.
Life is so simple and yet so complex at times.
Thank you for visiting my blog. 👼🏻👼🏻💖💖🌹🌺🌸
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