For this week @ladiesofhive - Contest I would like to answer this particular question.
1️⃣ What was your position (in terms of birth) in the family? How did that experience help you become, or hinder you from becoming, a successful adult?
Sometimes I feel that I deserved a better childhood and why destiny had to be so tough on me at that age. But then I think that if my childhood did not happen the way it did probably, I would have not been the person I am today, and I love what I am today. We can always think and say what if this would have happened or not happened but now, I believe that whatever happens, we do not have much hold over it.
I was born a premature baby and was a very sickly child with Asthma problems. By the time I was 6 months old one of my aunts adopted me from my parents and I started staying with her in another city. I was not exactly sure of the reasons why my parents chose to give me away at that age and I asked my aunt and she would always say that my health was not keeping very well in that particular city and I was staying better off in her home, which was a little difficult for me to understand. As I grew up, I understood a little bit that my parents were not getting along very well with each other so they decided to part ways with me.
Then what happened I do not know but when I was around 5, they got me back to them and I started staying with them. I never had much of attachment with them because they were never around in my growing up, so I would always feel very cut off in the family. My elder sister was also there, she always stayed with my parents, so I did not have much of bonding with her as well.
My aunt's home was very peaceful and I had a very disciplined life with her. I was a happy child with her, but then coming back to my parents' home was chaotic, because all the time they were fighting. I do not remember much now but some particular events are strongly stuck in my mind. By the time I was 6 my mom decided to leave the home and stay with her mother in another city along with me and my sister.
My Granny's home was very small, just 1 Room and 1 kitchen, In that 5 of us lived. As kids all these things didn't bother us. Here my Granny was not very fond of me because she did not get along well with my aunt who had adopted me earlier. In her home I felt very disconnected with everything. I was not attached to anyone in my home, nor my sister, my mother, my other cousins, because I was away from everyone and similarly no one was fond of me either.
In around 1 years' time my father decided to take me and my sister with him, phewww, again a relocation. My dad got our custody somehow, but he was not in a position to take care of us as a single father. So, he decided to send me back to my aunt and this time with my sister. By then my aunt was having some of her own health issues, so she was not in a position to take good care of us. Mutually she and my dad decided to keep me and my sister in a boarding school in my aunt's city. By the age of 7 I had changed 4 schools and 4 homes.
After that, for 10 years I lived in that boarding school. It was not a very good one, it was a lowest grade one and a dirty place. But again, as children all these things do not matter. At least there was good company around. I had many other children around with me who later on became very good friends. The first warden of the boarding school I never liked her. She had a very harsh behavior with us, but luckily, she left and then one another lady came in her place and today I feel that she was like a god send person for me in that place. She was fond of me and she always gave me some extra preferences. She encouraged me to participate in school events. I was an above average student; she would motivate me to do better.
Gradually I started liking that place more than my own home and during vacations coming back home was not a good feeling. My dad had developed a very bad alcohol addiction and he had severe temper issues. It was very difficult to cope up with his behavior as a child. However, that boarding was but I still preferred staying there as I felt a lot of peace there than home. Somehow, I just grew up. The level of education I received was very poor. For a long time, I would feel very ashamed to tell people where I studied from if they would ask me.
Someday I had to get back home. At the age of 16 I got back home and started staying with my Dad. Those were the most challenging years of life, dealing with his addictions, his multiple health problems, his moods. I spent more time in hospitals with him than home.
In all this time only one thing was going on in my mind, how to get out of all this and make my life better. In my mind always there were thoughts running around of what I want to be, how I want my family to be, how I want my environment to be.
At 18 I met my hubby and we fell in love. Visiting his home was always peaceful, it had good vibes and good environment. His parents were nice to me. By 21, I got my 1st job, and I started feeling a little confident about myself. I knew I had lots of work to do on myself. My English was very poor, I had to work on that to grow in my job.
I never stayed in a family environment so that was again a challenge for me when I got married. In my home I was not answerable to anyone. I lived my way all through out and then suddenly I was here with people all around. It was not easy as I had thought. My mom-in-law would keep giving me advice all the time and I would get irritated. She would think that I was too young to make any decisions for myself and I would feel that I was losing out on my personal space and freedom. Of course, I was very immature in many ways.
I knew I had lots to work on my self, not only to grow professionally but personally also. For a long long time till I was 35 I always felt like I was a victim and had too much grudge against my life. Then came one person in my life who changed lot of things for me. She is a Healer, she would do my readings and guide me, she got me into doing Meditations. She started giving me different perspective to life with her healings and her guidance helped me a lot clear all those blocks in my mind. For 5 years I was working intensely with her. I started reading a lot of spiritual books. And I got very fascinated to learn about after life and soul progress.
As I child I had this fear and some phobia. I was very scared of death; I would always wonder what will happen to me after my death. I would think I am such a bad person and that is why so much wrong is happening to me, so when I die, I will go to hell and then what my state would be over there. Sometimes I would cry all night thinking about it. The Spiritual guidance, Readings, Healings helped me a lot get over all of this. Then came a time when my Healer friend told me that it is time now that I learn healing and work on it with other people. My journey as a Healer began from there. I was very attracted to Crystals; I was always drawn towards them. I learned Crystal Healing, Pendulum Dowsing, Tarot and I started practicing.
If I look back, I see myself as a totally different person. I cannot recognize my own self, and I laugh at myself thinking, was that really me in the past. That's what life is all about we experience, we learn and we grow. I am very happy with what I am today and very proud of myself also. I know that I have worked hard and very sincerely to be what I am today, and I always thank the Universe for guiding me in the right path.
I will like to invite @jayna to participate in this contest.
Thank you for visiting my blog. 👼🏻👼🏻💖💖🌹🌺🌸
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