**My fear of failure is holding me back here on SteemIt. I need to step up my game... soon!** ![Self-critisism and fear of failure.jpg](https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1519303258/rqf4xr36smamu64tdpm1.jpg) ## Mixed Feelings While I’m scrolling through the posts in the ‘contest’ tag stream, I have mixed feelings. Every time I come across another writing contest, my heart starts to beat a little faster. I want to join, I want to write! But in the end, I join none. Not because I don’t want to, but because there’s this huge, undefinable fear to fail. ## The Love For Writing A while ago - when I was still using my old account - I wrote the post '[The Negative Effect Of SteemIt On My Self-Esteem](https://steemit.com/steemit/@mike314-0005/the-negative-effect-of-steemit-on-my-self-esteem)', in which I told about how intimidated I was by all the top quality writers I came across every day here on SteemIt, and that I didn’t know whether I would be able to stick around much longer.

https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1519304357/xlfdhciyrvegpnp4jblr.gif

Fortunately, by the time I finished the article, I realized that I had simply enjoyed writing - for the first time in years.
It’s because of that love for writing that I’m still here.
I’m completely aware of my limits, both as a writer and in my knowledge of the English language, but during these last couple of months, I also learned that although my writing skills are far from top-notch, they’re definitely not the worst.
Still, I tend to play it safe when it comes to choosing topics to write about and the audience I’m aiming at with my posts. I know I can level up, but I simply don’t have the guts to do it. ![failure.jpg](https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1519304571/h4ip6vmymdzxqbocy9m8.jpg) ## Avoid Failure, Do Nothing I want to enter those writing contests so badly, yet there’s always that little voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough. It tells me I will fail and make a fool of myself... The rational part of me - or maybe I could call it ‘the other voice in my head’, but I don’t want you all to think I’m crazy - wonders what the worst thing that can happen would be. I don’t win the contest, so what? At least I would have tried. ### The only way you can not fail is by doing nothing. *So far so good. No failure in sight at the moment...*

https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1519304944/j2dcyx5pj1qjv1qwiqdl.jpg

Where does that little voice in my head get the guts to tell me that not winning equals failure?
And even more important: why do I hold on to that, even though I know better?
*Would I be losing my reputation as a writer if I wouldn’t win?* Of course not, because I don’t have any. *Would people think less of me if I wouldn’t win?* No, most of them would probably applaud the fact that at least I gave it a shot. But the biggest question has yet to come... *Would I think less of myself, if I wouldn’t win?* I know it’s sad, but my answer to that question would be ‘yes’. I’d feel deeply disappointed and would probably conclude that I’m not good enough, and that I would have failed... again. ![fail.jpg](https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1519305059/rth5ggsnuln2ya1tu0v6.jpg) So I keep doing what I do: I keep writing articles on ‘safe’ topics, aiming at an audience of which I think I won’t be judged by... ## I Need To Step Up My Game I do realize that if I want my SteemIt journey to become only a little successful, I need to step up my game and go for it. But that little voice is always there, and I don’t have a clue how to shut it up and make it disappear. Until I find a way to ignore it, I’ll probably won’t join any writing contests - no matter how much I want to. This all feel so stupid, because giving up or not trying also feels like I’m failing. And so we’re back to square one... ## Breaking Out ![dream big.jpg](https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1519305173/vx7irtwdr6kvqnahyphs.jpg) I’m writing this post because I want - no, I need - to break out of this pattern of destructive thoughts. This is a step towards changing my mindset. I realize changing your mindset doesn’t happen overnight; it takes time. And I do need to allow myself to take this time, without feeling I’ve failed because I haven’t mastered this skill yet. How I would like to be able to look at the world and myself in the same way Thomas A. Edison could when he said > “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison
--- [![signature2.gif](https://res.cloudinary.com/hpiynhbhq/image/upload/v1518894855/qd1teveurcpmlnmxf1so.gif)](https://steemit.com/@simplymike) **[Subscribe Ro RSS Feed](http://feeds.feedburner.com/SimplymikeOnSteemIt)** | **[Subscribe To Newsletter](http://eepurl.com/dfsTh1)**
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