I'm so sorry, Ladies of Hive.
I can't enter this contest this week. You see, I was walking down the road, just minding my own business, ready to find a place in the shade to sit and begin writing my post for this contest... when this man approached me.
He asked me - "Would you like to buy a sandwich?"
Now the weird thing was, he didn't even have any sandwiches. So - was I supposed to go buy HIM a sandwich? or was he going to produce a sandwich for me to buy myself??? I was going to ask him to clarify when he interrupted me and spoke again...
"Miss, I have the best tomato sandwiches in town."
Now, I am a sucker for a good tomato sandwich - but I highly doubt that this man was going to pull a toaster out of his backpack and plug it in... where??? And everyone knows that tomato sandwiches MUST BE made on TOAST.
"Sir, you have no toaster," I replied calmly.
"Miss, everyone knows tomato sandwiches must be made with toast. Do you take me for a fool?"
"No, I take you for a bad tomato sandwich maker."
"How. DARE. you" he scowled at me with disdain. I would have been worried, but I was clearly in the right.
"Sir, I do dare. Now step aside, so I can go write. I'm a writer, you see. I have to write a post for a challenge. They are asking us what is the craziest excuse we have ever made, and I'm going to need to think of this because you see... I really don't make excuses for things I just -"
"MADAM! I have no time for your blathering. Now look at this tomato. Have you ever seen something so majestic??" He pulled a piece of cheese from his pocket. It was limp and rather dusty from lint.
"One - that is disgusting. Two - I don't eat dusty food. Three - that is no tomato."
He shook his head and returned the cheese to his pocket. "I can see that we are going in circles here."
"You can go in circles. I'm making a beeline for that tree. Good day, Sir."
"Can I ask you one final question, Miss?" he leaned in suspiciously. I should have known better, but before I could answer he GRABBED my computer, slapped me with another piece of cheese (it was a cellophane-wrapped slice of American this time - thank God!), and sprinted down the street singing "I'm a yankee doodle dandy".
Thankfully, I had just cleared all my crypto info from that computer, but sadly I couldn't enter the "craziest excuse you ever made" contest.
Perhaps next week! 😏
I'd like to invite @samsmith1971 to the Ladies of Hive community! hehe