Everyday, we learn something new. Our values, our character, our beliefs and our ambitions, these all get moulded from our experiences, our environment and our will.
One way or the other, we decided internally on certain courses of actions to take for improvement. Some may have done a mental inventory and gotten rid of all extra baggage. Yet, all these are only possible when there is realization.
The question is, what led to that moment of epiphany?
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I'm playful with it, yeah, basically
Too great to mimic, you hate, you're bitter
No favoritism, that's fine with me
Create the riddles, portrayed uncivil
Unsafe a little, oh yes, indeed
It's plain and simple, I'm far from brittle
Unbreakable, you following?
I wouldn't go and tell unnecessary jargon about my past anymore because let's face it... My life could basically become a gossip blog. Hahaha!
What I'll tell you is that I was privileged to have come across ideal moments quite early in my life. Of course, my environment played a huge part in who I chose to become but not in a positive way.
My realizations or should I say epiphanies come two folds.
First, when I was seventeen years of age and the second... happened this evening.
I remember sitting at home that very day, enjoying the rain as it stormed outside. For some reason, NEPA (they go by the name PHCN now which stands for Power Holding Company of Nigeria) left the light even during the storm. The acronym NEPA stands for Never Expect Power Always. Yep!
I remember watching a TV show and I'm not a fan of shows. Still, for some reason, I watched this man and then at some point he said,
"If your grandparents are poor, it's their fault. If your parents are poor, it's also their fault. If you are poor, it is entirely your fault."
And it hit me!
It was like light shone on me and I can't really describe what happened that night but I was never the same. I began to do a thorough sweep of my life, getting rid of things and people that didn't matter at all. The problem I have and still working on is letting the right people in.
I developed the do it or don't mentality. With a lot of determination, I rid myself of the self-doubt and worked on my esteem. I became voracious in fighting for what I want. Ferocious even. If I want something, I will get it. Whatever I have today, I earned it.
The second realization was tonight. We all do get disappointed every once a while and sometimes we are even prepared for it. But it still always hurts. I have been disappointed so many times I can't even count, had my expectations crumbled to dust.
However, this evening with the pain and the hurt and the slim line of hopelessness, I just couldn't think about giving up. I couldn't even entertain the idea because the question that kept ringing in my head was,
If I do give up, what would I be living for? If I stopped fighting, who would I be?
So with a smile on my face (as always), I swore to myself to fight till I die. I will never take no for a definite answer and would keep pushing. The most beautiful thing about this is that, a heavy weight lifted off my chest because in a way I uncovered one part of who I am. A fighter.
So even if it's just me with no recognition at all, I will keep fighting. And I'll do it the right way because, that is truly all I have. My identity.