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Can we (just) admit it? I know that in this community we try to establish support, unconditionality and reinforcement among all the women who make life here. It is no less true that from my perspective, we should (also) do some necessary self-criticism. I believe that by adding visions and points of view, we add more and better contributions to this huge and great community within HIVE, @ladiesofhive . Now, today I am going to dedicate a few words to a fact that we tend to forget, and that we deliberately overlook, but that is a great historical stain and debt that we all have....
And yes, I mean that, generally speaking, most of us girls tend not to be kind, receptive or honest with other women... We can even get to the point of bullying and being extremely cruel to each other. Not to mention, if we add to that occasion, a charge of possession or an emotional aspect, such as a courtship, marriage or something similar? Personally, it bothers me that this is a reality. And worse, that we don't even dare to discuss it among ourselves! What we do do is pretend that nothing is happening, and sometimes we even victimize ourselves to avoid a reality that includes us and affects almost all of us.
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I'm not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I have never promoted myself as such. But if there is one thing I possess, it is the ability to be able and willing to learn as the years go by and the actions where I have benefited or been harmed. Now, in my adulthood, I wish I could have taken advantage of some opportunities I had to make more (female) friends in the past that, for one reason or another, I deliberately neglected. I still have great female friendships, but not as I would have liked.... And to make matters worse, I myself, even unconsciously, have been different and much less friendly or companionable to other women for no apparent or logical reason.
Sadly, each and every one of us (I'm sure) tends to prepare ourselves more for being "strong" in the face of criticism from other women, than for what men might do to us. In other words, if a girl points out something positive or negative about us, it will have a much greater impact on us than any compliment or flirtation could have on each of us. I am speaking in general terms. Obviously, there are many, many exceptions, and fortunately, I believe that it is something that is NOT INNATIVE. That is, it does not belong to our culture or to our genes as homosapiens-sapiens, but it is a horrible habit that we learn as children.
Personally, both the way I was raised and the vast majority of girls born in the 90's of the last century, and who are now mothers or women over the age of 30, empathy between women was simply almost absent. For men, however, understanding was something of an essential "requirement". "He's not bad, he's suffered a lot..." And nonsense like that. Mind you, I am NOT saying that having empathy and understanding for men on our side is negative or undeserved, but that for the other half of Humanity, i.e. us, an absurd double standard applies...
We must be honest, this is so, so common that even when we suffer infidelity in our relationships throughout our lives, we always tend to blame the other person (the lover) rather than the one we have found out to be unfaithful? Does this make sense? Absolutely not, but it is what it is. Do we have to put up with it and can't we change this reality? I would like to be optimistic and have the absolute answer, but I think it will be very, very gradual. And it is only through firm education and the introduction of new habits of human empathy among women that we will be able to overcome this scourge and learn the lesson of Humanity that we so desperately need.
When we are girls, this does not happen. We are in the schoolyard, and we don't care if others have a penis or a vagina, we just want to be friends with others. As we grow up, we forget that simple but powerful universal truth. We add to it all the nuances of prejudice and limitations that then isolate us as a collective and as women. We are women, the world is cruel and harsh enough as it is, for us to be cruel and harsh enough to our peers. This is something that, as I have already said, I am personally trying to modify and promote in my daughter so that she is better than her mother's generation, let alone her grandmother's.... Be kind, and even more so, to ourselves, the women.
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