Break is important for saving us from exhaustion. It let us take the time needed to recharge ourselves and optimize our production and creativity. However, prolonged breaks may become a reason of procrastination and laziness.
During last two months I only published five posts, and it has been 24 days since I published my last post. So I am writing this content to break the ice caused by the deliberate break that later became autonomous, overpowering my motivation to write.
I don’t know how this post is going to proceed. I have no idea whether the content be coherent or not. It might be a collection of different ideas with their own directions put together on a page. I just want to write it to let me out of the shell that has put me in slumber.
Perhaps I would try to understand the phenomenon and feelings that I have experienced in the past few months ranging from the frustration for not being able to write to the general lack of motivation to start writing.
On and off, I keep on going through phases where I struggle with writing. Despite all my love and desire for writing, it becomes arduous for me to write anything. The reason is NOT any kind of writer’s block. I don’t think I have ever experienced it. Nevertheless, there is another mental conditions that holds me back from writing.
I have never come across a term that describes the situation. I named it Creative Paralysis. Opposite to the writer’s block where an author is deprived of ideas, I often face the situation where I am bombarded with ideas. Having many ideas is not a problem, as such. The complexity of the situation lies in the inability to decide which topic to write on in the given time.
Time is the most scarce entity on earth. The indecisiveness not only becomes a reason of wasting time but also a cause of frustration for not being able to be productive at all.
I have understood the fact that prioritisation is of immense importance in every field of life. In the world where we have surplus pathways to choose from, the inability to prioritise makes us stagnant; no matter how many skills we have acquired. (Well, understanding is one thing, and being able to apply that understanding is another 😉).
So, the problem often is that I fail to choose one topic over the other. When I try to select one topic, another appears to be fresher and thus more important. When I think of writing on the fresher one, the older one seems to be linked with the current and I feel the need to write about the older one first to make my blog better in sequence.
Ironically, writing about an older occurrence is more difficult than writing about a situation that you experienced in the nearest past. The thoughts of writing on an older occurrence gives me another level of stress. I face a feeling like if I would try writing on that topic, more of time will be consumed in contemplating as many facts would be lost in the memory’s library.
The thoughts of extra time consumption hold me back from initiating the write up on the older occurrence. Then, I again try to turn towards the fresher occurrence. Wahala! Again the older topics keep striking my head for their importance. Consequently, I keep on delaying the start up of anything taking me to the spot of time where I have no time left for writing.
Another thing is that I crave for a space where there is no distractions, so I may build my focus. Availability of such a space is scarce in my current living scenario.
At times, when the space is available I am deprived of the amount of time needed to grow my pace to the level where I may indulge myself fully in the task.
Being a mother, a housewife and a daughter-in-law (along with some livelihood particularities) I don’t get sufficient slot of peaceful and free time. Instead, some free time is available to me in chunks. These chunks are not enough for the build up of pace. This thought holds me back to initiate the work, and I waste that time in useless activities.
The unavailability of sufficient time is also a reason for creative Paralysis. I want to write on something that I may finish in the available time; and what that should be is often unknown to me.
Another reason for creative paralysis is the intermingling of the topics in mind. My mind keeps on cooking up topic while I am involved in chores. Often times, it so happens that when I am pondering over one topic some points come to my mind that are equally suitable and relevant to another topic. Consequently, I became indecisive which topic I really want to write on.
There are some self-imposed expectations too that are at play. For instance, for certain topics I feel like I wouldn’t be able to produce a minimum of 500 words. For other topics, I feel like having a good beginning . For certain other topics, I feel like I have no idea how I am supposed to end. For others, I feel like I am lacking vocabulary. The list goes on. Huuuuuuuh! With so many disturbing thoughts it is not possible to initiate a work, is it?
On the top of all this, I am not ready to quit any topic popping up in my mind. It feels like a loss of some treasure if some grown ideas are forgotten. The result is the dispersion of focus and attention. Consequently, zero creativity and production.
The constant keeping of ideas is the mind along with my inability to produce anything had put me in a state of frustration. I decided to let go of the older stuff and be focused on the fresher one.
After some struggle, I was able to let go of the older ideas without developing any regrets or other negative feelings (that’s what letting go means, doesn’t it?). Nevertheless, the consequences are not what I expected.
Perhaps the application of Letting Go worked as a coping mechanism for the stress and frustration I had been facing. It has driven me into an emotional state where I am no longer feeling any motivation to write and publish at all.
The topics and ideas for writing are with me but I no longer cook them up all the time. Moreover, I plan of (better to say, think of) writing on a topic a day, and when I remain unable to proceed the plan, I am okay with it. No frustration, no regrets, no stress, no nothing.
While the lack of negative feeling is another type of experience. I am feeling lighter. Nevertheless, something inside my heart knows that it is not the contentment but complacency that needs to be broken or it will freeze my skills, creativity and growth.