My Image
The 156th edition of the Ladies Of Hive Community contest
Share a story on how you overcome feeling despondent, disillusioned, or filled with skepticism when you realize exactly what's going on around you.
This is a privilege to share my experience on how I came out of the trauma of my dad's death, which occurred two months ago and also happened to be my sister's birthday.
It would have been a different thing if I had not been present there; I have only seen in movies how people are traumatized. The experience was terrible; I was shot out of the world completely. Before I talk about how I overcame it I will share a little about the story.
On that fateful day, I was working at my place, not too far from my parent's place. I was called that something was wrong with my father I left everything I was doing and ran as fast as I could to the scene, on getting home he was having a seizure, jerking, he was not able to be carried except it stop, we tried everything humanly possible to stop it but immediately it stops it picks again went on like that for about three times then it stopped we were able to carry him out of his room to the car but unknowingly to us his pulse has dropped and gradually his life was going out of the body,
I noticed but I just tried to be optimistic, on getting to the hospital he was gone still I didn't want to believe it when the doctor checked him he knew he was gone and you know the way doctors inform the family of a deceased "I'm sorry his gone". it was like a dream. I ran into the car where he was lying down, carried his head, screamed into his ear, hit him, and screamed his name. He never woke up.
However, I was still waiting for a miracle but the night he was carried to the mogul it was done on me I will never see him again not calling the name #daddy.
My Trauma Experience
I lost my sanity, I did not feel anything anymore the moment I was with him during his episode was the only thing playing in my head, I could not cry I was the shadow of myself, I was lifeless. nobody knew something was wrong with me, because I was looking like someone who was holding up, acting strong for my siblings and also for my mum.
It keeps on like, that I was not even active on #hive, I couldn't work, I didn't know where my phones were I was just a shadow of myself.
Self-Blame
My head was feeding my mind with negativity, such as:
I could have saved my dad,
I didn't do what I was supposed to do,
he would have still been alive if I had prayed well,
it was my sin that made him die,
I should have spent time with him when I had the opportunity.
God does not answer prayers with all my prayers for him, he still couldn't make it.
A lot of these were living free in my head and mind but I couldn't voice them out it was killing me within.
How I'm Overcoming
The conflict within got out of hand and I passed out Everyone was scared, thinking they were going to lose me. I was also rushed to the hospital and treated my Blood pressure skyrocketed, something I had never experienced before. The doctor began to talk to me to know what was wrong but I couldn't say anything but just wiping.
Therapist
Seeing a therapist was one of the measures that have been helping me, I often have sessions with the lady I wouldn't even do this if not for family and friends who stood by, the lady tried very hard to penetrate me and I was broken I was able to talk to her, letting all those mindsets out of my head
Environment
I left the surroundings that kept reminding me of all the incidents and my dad, stayed with my friends, engaging me so I wouldn't have the space to think about anything, which helped in a little way
Church
I resumed my activities in church, although I was still looking terrible. Every time I go to church, I take the opportunity to ask God why and other questions, and quietly I hear the response to my question. Also, church members help out.
Blogging
Gradually, things began to make sense, and I thought of returning to the hive to get my mind engaged with other activities, but I was struggling with it I didn't even know how to come about it. I just kept procrastinating, but I also overcame procrastination I started blogging fully this month, and I can say that I'm really healing up because whenever I think about him, I just smile and say a little prayer to him.
Conclusively, this is a scar that can never be left or forgotten but the ability to accept it is what I'm grateful for today, thank you #ladiesofhive for giving me the platform to share this I never plan on writing about it. This is my response to this week's contest.
Thank you for reading
