Good morning Hivers!
I am done! A nice word to hear when you are being accomplished in life. Yet, I know I have still so many things to do but thinking of all my sacrifices to my family and my friends, I did a lot of pleasing things. Looking back, to those who are following my blog, I was so vocal in telling all my true-to-life stories here in the @ecotrain and @naturalmedicine community. I am a family-oriented person who lives in this world, not for myself but more for my family. Even in friendship, I gave them priority when they needed me.
I need changes and why?
For my family, they are still my priority but I already need them for myself since I am already growing older. I want to enjoy my life before I return my borrowed life to God. I want to have a little bit of transformation in myself. I need to prioritize myself. Imagine, how many long years that I never thought of myself. How long I am working here but I never give any gift to myself. I never bought even a simple dress because I was thinking first to give it to my family.
Since my mother died one year ago, the burden on my shoulder was lighten compared to yesterday. How would you imagine the situation of my bedridden grandmother for nine years and 7 years for my mother? The studies of my siblings at the same time was a big obligation I handled. I am not a professional person who came abroad to earned more than enough. That's why I was not thinking for myself before.
My mother's death and grandmother gave me chances to think for myself. It was so painful of losing them but we know all of us, will go back in the hands of God.
No one could say I am bad if I would have to prioritize myself. Aside from material things, I am now thinking of sitting down while playing with my grandchildren before it's too late. I felt the tiredness of the kind of work that I have for 23 years. Being a household helper is not a simple task to me just to earn money. Sleeping too late and waking up early as part of the sad story and experience of my life. I must do it to cater all my whole day task. I am not complaining today but I found myself tired and wanting to avoid stress most especially that I already had hypertension.
When boredom destructed my mind, sometimes I want to end up my life but I thank the Lord God for holding me tight. Yes, I'm so sorry to confess this issue. Today, I found it so precious to live a fully happy life and don't want to think about suicide.
If I rate myself as my priority, it means that I am looking forward to being happy with my only son's family.
Sooner, I will be home and try another way of life back home. It would be a tough decision to leave this place that I considered as my second home. The hardest part would be in my way on how I would be missing my fake daughter. I love her so much. For 15 years, I took care of her life since the first day she was born. But it would be unfair to my son whom I only lived with for 7 years and now he is 31 years old. I visited him sometimes for only 30 days vacation and went back here.
It would be so unfair if I stay here until I die because my two grandchildren are wishing me to come home. That's the heavy reason for me to prioritize.
Another thing to change for friendship
I was devastated when I gave 200% trust and love to a certain friend who trashed me like rotten garbage. I thought climate is just the only thing that would change but I got wrong. I did an extraordinary love and care but it's gone like ashes. Despite all the trouble, I am now in the process of prioritizing myself and there is no way to weigh friendship like what I did before. I am so sorry for my good friends, this is not you anyway. Little by little, I am now moving on.
I hope and pray that the new plan I am thinking of for my priorities would be granted. God! Please help me to be strong!
Love must be there
I think it's never too late to be in love again. Some of my friends told me when I was still at 40 to love again but I refused. I hope I could have someone to be with me who could fill the emptiness, to have someone to talk to when I am old. But this is just the last priority and not expecting too much. It could be like fantasy and not in reality.
That's all about my priority now. Any changes would be depending on the subject to be taking of for the future.
Thank you @ecotrain for this amazing topic. I love it.
Hive on!
It's me,
@olivia08