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I'm trying to choose the right words to describe how I feel inside, there is anger inside of me, a part of me is also happy, another part is just worried, so many feelings right now. But when people ask me, how are you? My response is always FINE. Maybe because that's the only world that describe how I feel inside, Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional (that's how FINE i am inside🤦🏽). So many **Feelings I'm Not Expressing (FINE), so, each time I tell these folks fine, is because I know sharing what's inside of me will be a waste of time because honestly speaking, none of them can offer me a solution to how I feel.

Currently, I am frustrated with my writing, I often ask myself what am I not doing right, how best to go about it so it becomes right. I'm also frustrated with the thought that, the year is slowly coming to an end and I feel I have not done enough this year, I work twice as hard, but honestly speaking, I'm not close to where I want to be. Not being able to get most of the materials I need right now is also frustrating to me, I know some of the things I need to do to earn more before the year run out, but I can't do them because finance is a great limitation to me right now. So many things inside are frustrating me, and it's just sad.😔😔

Lately, I am not so confident of myself, it's sad to say it, but it's the truth. The feeling of insecurity has made it so. This is not a good feeling, but I feel that way and I know it's because my mind is clouded with frustrating thoughts, I'm honestly not in my right state to do things, and each time I try, that confidence I have that it will turn out well is not there. Honestly speaking, I'm frustrated with adulthood sometimes, and this frustrating thought is messing with me. I really don't say how I feel, maybe because I know people just hear me but don't actually listen.

Because of all these things, I have been unhappy lately, battling depression and feeling really distressed. I have not been in my most happy state of late, and I think I have fake being happy lately, and slowly, these feelings are dragging me to a dark state. Most times I try to fight back so I can get myself back, but the thought of how frustrating and how challenging things are right now just drag me back to my depressing state. And all of these feelings inside is now affecting my emotional state. Lately, I don't have full control about how I feel inside, I worry too much and I am always thinking too much.
I feel troubled inside of me, I feel pain, I feel sad, and lately I feel alone.

P.S.: I think I needed this topic, writing about how I feel kinda make me feel a little better, thanks for this topic, I need to find myself back, I guess I have to take it one step at a time right now.

Thanks for reading!