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Due to so many circumstances that sorounds my life I use to somehow create an invisible limitation for myself this is because physically there's already so many factors that limits me individually and one of them is an underlying health condition that seems to always persevere. Truth is, when one is physically sick in the body, the mind creates so many inabilities and even if normally we might want to try out things we can't do, the mind limits and confines one to some certain limitations and to me this is a personal monster that I'm currently dealing with. A monster that feeds on my physical redundancies to carve out a mental inability.
In 2015 I met the woman of my dreams but then I let her go, I don't want to tell stories but then the main reason why I let her go was because I couldn't trust myself to be who she wanted me to be, I didn't think I could physically remain the prince charming she met, I felt "what if I get sick, can she handle how I'd look"? or will she just leave because she's looking at a once handsome person fading away really gradually? My mind and body kept interjecting and I kept looking for excuse, and deep down my challenges confined me to refuting the rights choices.
This was a personal monster, I couldn't surge ahead in life because I was like a blockage to how far I'd go. Although I would say I had this personal monster due to how things had turned out in my life, it was a monster that life imbued into me by default but then the fact that this monster became so gigantic and puppeteered my life was because I fed it in a simpler term I gave it purpose and it grew to become something that pulls me back when I'm about to hit a stunning milestone and over and over again this monster feeds on my fear and influences my decisions
How do you deal with monsters? How tolerant are you?
Personally since this monster is inbuilt it's definitely more difficult to handle. To me, the biggest problems in life are the one's that unknowingly come alive due to us creating them. In essence, I mostly had to live with this monster in other to deal with it. Truth is, when one fights against oneself sometimes you don't know if you're winning or losing but then one biggest discovery I've managed is coming to a person understanding and what's this? That people are living with far worse conditions and everyone has a niggling issue and the only reason why I feel I'm the only suffering from this mental blockage is because I'm not taking time to see what other people are going through because I feel my conditions are far more worse.
Over the years I started blogging, making videos, going to college, meeting people and keeping myself really busy. Although this hasn't entirely killed this monster but then it subdued it to an extent. Nowadays I don't feel anything is impossible anymore and I don't always have the mental stance that my body will fail me someday although it's something I have to cope with, not something I'm always vocal about. Truth is, when it comes to tolerance, I hardly have zero tolerance but then it's a personal monster and there's always this confusion of tolerating the monster and tolerating myself to an extent. In other words, time has changed how I feel and one time or the other it comes back to me
Interested in some more of my works?
SATURDAY'S VLOG: A Trip To The Barber's Shop
What Is Worth: What Determines Worth In A Vastly Competitive Market Such As Nigeria?
Capturing A Building And It's Skyline At Different Stages Of Evening
The Sun Has Glistened (An Original Poetry)
The Inexplicability Of Death And Why People Often Chose To Be In Denial Of It.
What Constitutes Difference In People Irrespective Of Being Exposed To The Same Things In Life?
My name is @Josediccus, a young Nigerian student who is a Vlogger, A Psychologist, Poet And Sports Writer/Analyst. I'm using my contents as a process to create shared meaning as well as create expressions through which people on/off hive can relate. I believe content is a process to be enjoyed and relished and I'm up for any collaborations in my field stated above. Cheers
@Josediccus, your brother-in-pen & heart
I'm hoping to reach more people who are broken at heart and spirit, so share on any platform or rehive