Life is generally funny. Looking at it from every point of view. You tend to do what you feel is what you should do but sometimes it looks like it's not your duty to do it as it seems like you are taking every responsibility upon yourself. But the truth of it is that it should be you and no one else.
I am the first son in the family, I can't relate the troubles attached to that position in the family as you have been set as an example to your siblings and you know what that means. Right?
It means all eyes are focused on you as you are expected to serve as a role model to the younger ones.
I have complained on several occasions with my friends but then someone said to me who do you expect to be in that position?
That question stuck in my heart and the thought of who would have replaced me came. I then discovered it just had to be me.
It used to be fun back then when we were still growing because everything was provided for all of us and no one was looking up to me then because we all are looking up to our parents as they put us through the path that we must thread on.
As time goes on things began to change as responsibilities were been shifted to me as the first son stuffs like looking after the younger ones when our parents are away from the house, it doesn't only stop at keeping my eye on them I discovered it got to a time when they look up to me for some of their basic needs which I am expected to provide forgetting that they have a parent which is our parent, funny right but then I discovered I have to calculate every one of my steps so as not to stumble.
I stay in an area where people live life the way it pleases them people see going to school as a scam since at the end of the day it is very difficult for me to get a well-paid job with his educational qualification and so when you come to the street you can hardly differentiate between people who are educated from those who are not, as the way of living is almost the same.
But at this position I found myself will not warrant an extravagant lifestyle so to keep a clean part I still have to remain blind, deaf and dumb to the lifestyle everyone sees as normal in the district, trying all my possible best to see that I keep a clean shit for the younger ones to emulate.
Looking at the QOTW "If not you then who, if not now then when?"
keeps me worried even when I try to complain about living a free life with no one looking up to me. The question will just pop up if these younger ones will not learn from me then who do I expect them to learn from? If it's not me, who should it be?
I still couldn't get the person who can be me as I can risk the life of my siblings learning from the corrupt society in which we found ourselves, I will have to stand firm and keep the clean shit very clean without a stain on it.
Keeping a clean shit has to be now because I don't think there is any other time than now so if I can't keep it clean now then when am I expected to do it?
So the answer is it has to be me and everything that needs to happen to keep a good family trial has to be now as there will be no other better time than now.