Well that was fast. I learned a lot this past month and accomplished something I thought I never would get back to doing. I had and still have a lot of expectations regarding this accomplishment. However, I find myself severely depressed and anxiety riddled. Yup, we are on the brink of World War 3 and I am depressed over soil and not the innocent people dying at the behest of global oligarchs playing games. Maybe I am depressed about that too. Maybe I am just over it all and have been seeing death, destruction and innocent lives lost since America's middle east wars since 1991. How is what is going on now new? Because we (USA) are not doing it?
I needed to do this School years ago, 14 years ago to be precise but this school was only offered in Portland, Oregon when I first learned about it in 2008. It wasn't until 2019 that these classes were offered online.
It was in 2008 when I had someone I considered a friend purposefully overdose the soil grown cannabis crop we were growing for a person in Sonoma, CA with organic nitrogen. The plants went from green to basically dead over night. 23 year old me would not accept defeat so easily. I knew that there had to be a solution to this problem. This person we were growing for entrusted us with his garden while he was going to music festivals all summer. Combing through youtube I found the answer and that was Compost teas or rather Actively Aerated Compost Teas, now know as BioComplete teas.
By simply adding some compost (Luckily, we lived next to the only organic vermicompost operation in America), kelp and molasses to a bucket of water that was aerated for 24-36 hours. I could save the crop according to this random person online in a video. He kept saying this was a genius method developed by a person named Dr. Elaine Ingham. Long story short it worked, in fact we had twice the yields than expect with better quality cannabis too! In 2008 this was still a very widely unknown method and made me look like a genius. Quickly all my buddy's friends were incorporating this method in Sonoma to grow cannabis.
These teas were not always effective over the 10 years we used them and I wanted to know why. Apparently, I needed to use a microscope. Well, luckily our compost place started to use a microscope to make BioComplete extracts and took the effort of brewing teas out of the equation for the most part and we had much better and consistent results!
Unfortunately, my good friend in Sonoma who I was growing cannabis for has passed away. My opportunities with his unfortunate passing is limited now. I did it Mark, I fucking did it, I do not think anyone would had been more happy for me than you. I wish you were here man but happy you are not suffering in this world anymore. No one has ever been more supportive to me than you! Thank you.
The very first thing my good friend who quickly became a father figure to me, a lost Vegas kid ready to give up on society, taught me was about parasites. He said boy you need to learn how to do parasite cleanses if you are going to be in an agricultural area. This school taught me exactly why. Parasites are abundant in composts and soils, at least in anaerobic soils and most manure based composts.
The second thing he taught me was not to trust people and know my self worth. He said I was one of a kind, old school is how he put it. He told me my friends were nothing like me and to understand I had a work ethic and drive most people from the Millennial generation i came from lacked and that this would isolate me from my friends and most people in this corrupt world. I learned this the hard way in his passing and still do each day. I hardly ever stop learning but always somehow trust people more than I should.
Now I find myself 1000x more educated in something I always wanted to be educated in but this education did not help my trust in people and namely the human race. While I learned all about how to truly grow organically and how to properly save the world, a goal I had in my 20s, I am left thinking that I am not worth it because I am human. I also learned in great detail how humans are destroying the Earth and if we could stop improperly farming we could fix climate change, clean up our water ways, stop using pesticides that cause cancer and so much more.
I am left despising corporations, humans and myself even more so now. I really feel guilty for being alive and human. When I talk to people about this information I get dismissiveness, contempt and generalized anger from gardeners, farmers and communities. Who would had thought saying to test compost and soil for community gardens for at the very least human pathogens and parasites would be controversial, never mind testing ditch water.
Maybe I need to chill and give myself a day or two to finally meditate. My anxiety is through the roof. It seems like I am left to getting a job now or serving a Buddhist/ Krishna temple to serve a greater purpose than myself. It would seem that I have been living my life wrong or in a way to where I have been a part of the problem for far too long. I really can not see me getting a job as I get dizzy just thinking of it. Funny considering I have had a job since I was 14 years old and a 18/19 year career as a union man. Nothing like being illegally fired for being assaulted at work for standing up for other people by your union and employer colluding.
Or will there be opportunities to further this information? There is supposedly now opportunities to now become a lab tech microscoping soil/compost or to be a certified compost maker and consultant. However, I am being told by other people who took these courses that opportunities are limited and non-existent. Maybe they are just trying to stop me cause they did not graduate with distinction. We will see I suppose. As it is I can die right now and be happy knowing I will not be causing further undue damage to this world I have contributed to as a human participating in this destructive corporate machine world full of selfish zombies and vampires.
What do I do? I am freaking out. I just want to compost, grow plants and talk to animals but avoid humans as much as possible. I guess I should calm down and take a deep breathe or two and enjoy the day off tomorrow.