The only eternal relationship is that we build with ourselves. Since many of the journeys we promised "until death do us part" end before death? In short, the person who will be with us forever is none other than ourselves. All other relationships end one way or another, after all we are left to ourselves. So basically what we need to do is to "love ourselves". Rather than that, to accept our integrity of self, soul and body. As it can be understood, in the article, I will talk about the relationship we establish with ourselves and its dimensions. So how?
I will try to convey the act of loving yourself by exemplifying it through myself. The other way around is neither possible nor sincere. This is not an article like the articles that almost all self-help writers suffer from deep wounds. Am I happy with the consciousness that I reached as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning? Would I love me if I was anybody else? Am I at peace with my body? Am I happy to be with me? I tried to convey the common sum of the results from each answer in this article, which was shaped within the framework of the answers I gave to them.
If you can't make yourself happy, nobody can make you happy
I have known so many people looking for the ideal relationship, short-term relationships being blown by the winds of winter, who talk about how they cannot please anyone. Moreover, all of them were looking for the blame on the other side. There was something wrong, but they were always the victims, the guilty others. I was one of them. I also attribute most of my regrets to this attitude. It is also very annoying that I could not turn around and think about this; "How can I expect to have a good, level, respectful relationship with myself when I can't maintain a good, respectful relationship with myself?" This is the question that unlocks all.
I was a person who did not love himself, felt incomplete because of his anxiety, and constantly gained weight. Since my childhood, I have been in constant trouble with my weight. While my peers were playing freely and eating food, I would go to dietitians. I would always be unhappy with my weight. I would come home and cry after being exposed to the cruel criticism of children at school. I have been humiliated by people all my life. That's why I was always angry with myself. I hated myself.
For many years I could not get rid of this. Moreover, while I was in this misery, I was waiting for the miracle person who would make my dreams come true and pull me out of the unhappiness I was in. Waiting was just waiting.
While waiting for social and emotional approval in his terrible neediness syndromes, Dr. I read an article by Wayne Dyer on feeling good and taking action. There was a beautiful sentence that took place there;
"In any relationship where two people get together, the end result is two halves."
Yes, I didn't need anybody, someone couldn't complete me in this halfway state, on the contrary I would pull the other halves and continue to be halfway with them. I realized that counting in place would only deepen the well in which I was buried. I felt neediness not only in terms of love, emotionality and social life, but also in my work, family, school life. As a result of my neediness, everything I handed down remained in my hand and I turned into a more unhappy, needy and insecure person. No one else but me could repair my life, and while waiting for another better half, I was losing my own half that was already in the decay phase.
You don't have to please anyone
One basically wants to be happy before getting involved in a relationship. This was the first mistake I corrected. I want to "be happy with myself" now. The more you lower your expectations from the other side, the happier you will be. I avoided the classical lies and directed my expectations only to myself.
What happened? I was too happy to even feel the need for a relationship to be happy. The second thing I realized, after I was relatively able to make myself happy, was similarly what brought me back to where I mentioned in the first paragraphs. But with one difference, I wasn't the leading role this time. What am I talking about? If you have a relationship with someone who has failed to love themselves, you can never please them. It is not possible for you to really please him, and that worried, lost dreams, jealous, offended person will not see you as "good" enough. Why should I go back to the previous version of my life when I have managed to "love myself as I am" how to receive the love offered to me?
When I think of the time I spend to endear myself to such people, who deny almost every possible affirmative possibility, especially their own existence, I feel full of reality. I learned that life loves me unconditionally in all circumstances, after cleansing me from inside that person who could not come to the light of his qualities and who was always ambiguous in his beliefs about himself and his relationships. What other people thought of me was just their own limited perception, and I wouldn't let them upset me. Of course, I could not achieve full success in this. But at least I managed to establish a brand new and extremely intimate contact with myself without going too far to return. Loving myself has brought me to be honest with myself as the biggest plus.
One of the most important questions I ask in learning to love myself is "How was love expressed in my family?" happened. If I quote Louise L.
"When I look back at my childhood years, when I was fed with love, I realize that I did the best I could with what I knew back then."
My family is always cold and distant about love. Whenever I ate something, my father always said, "Look why you are eating, you gained weight again." It always saddened me to hear this. If my parents accepted me as I am, maybe I would have a happy childhood. It was they who took me to the dietician when I was little. Throughout my childhood, I always diet on their insistence. Maybe they wanted my well-being in their own way, but this always caused me pain. Of course, I do not blame my family for this behavior, but I have always been looking outside for a long time to be loved. I was late in loving myself because I was looking for love in the wrong place.
Another important detail I noticed in this whole adventure of learning to love yourself is that we have to deal with some problems arising from the relationships we establish with each other. What I am talking about begins in our early childhood, when we have yet to distinguish between events. We code the good behavior of our parents with love and the bad with hate. I just mentioned that because I wasn't raised in a loving family, I was an obstacle to loving myself. The behavior of my parents towards me, the behavior of the outside world towards me all caused me to hang out and I closed myself.
The past is in the past. As I grew older, I realized some things. First of all, appearance did not matter. I understood this very well. I thought about the injustices I've done to myself for years. I actually hurt myself the most without realizing it. It took me a long time to realize this, but I finally managed to love myself. I will share this success with you in my other article.
I invite 2 friends to this adventure. @miniklady and @damla :)
Stay with love.