I find that sleep does not come easy around the full moon. I can never seem to get comfortable and then when I do, I start to drift off, only to wake up with a start, as I experience the sensation of tripping or falling over something. Then I am left with an uneasy feeling, a feeling I do not wish to fall asleep with.
So I lie awake again, thinking of more positive things, walks up the mountain, singing with friends. Things that fill me with joy. It always works, but I only ever experience a very light sleep and the slightest noise wakes me up again. The cats moving around, Freya my canine friend snoring. Sounds that usually do not affect me! But I am so sensitive around the full moon, even in my sleep.
So I have a few nights broken sleep. I have learnt to just accept it, whats the point in trying to fight it. Because it only ends up with me stressing myself out and that is far more exhausting than any lack of sleep.
And then there is the day time, where I find it hard to locate things that I usually find with ease. Just the other morning I spend 20 minutes looking for our seed mix, which we add to our porridge. I do not live in a big space, so they was a lot of looking in the same place. In the end I walked out of my truck, went to say hello to the garden and came back in.
I swore they were on that shelf, the one where I always put them. But no I couldn't see them. One of my daughters decided to look and low and behold, there they were on the shelf, that I had at looked through numerous times. Where is my head at these times, this disconnect from the physical world, seeing without seeing.
Today I went to a A.T.M machine and tried to take out some money, only to be told over and over that I needed to contact my bank. In the end, it turned out that I was using my old card, that had expired. I laughed it off, what else I could do. My brain is not for mundane tasks, it wants to fly away, to escape these chores that tie me to my body. It seeks to soar!
On top of all that, I am feeling super emotional,the slightest thing can get me crying. But that is something that I welcome. I still have many tears within, so anything that helps me release them, is very welcome. It's funny this relationship we have with crying.
It took me a long time to feel comfortable enough to really let myself cry. There was this automatic blockage, that just made me suck it up and swallow back my tears. How strong this conditioning is, when we feel a sense of weakness from expressing ourselves. How some behaviours are far more accepted than others.
I still witness some people get very uncomfortable when they are around some one crying.
I also witness how some feel the need to always comfort those who are upset. But we have to be careful, because our touch can be enough to stop their release, to cut short their tears. It's hard not to reach out to comfort someone, but sometimes it is better to just sit close by and encourage them to let it all out, to just let if all flow.
We really have this desire to do something, to assist. But so often, the best thing we can do is just be present for someone. To hold space for them, a safe space where they feel heard and supported. There is no need for words only, presence and that in itself can be so challenging. To step away from what we want to do and step into the role of being fully present for those who need us.
The full moon, always heightens my senses, it broadens my vision in so many ways. I am still learning how to fully embrace this, but acceptance is key. Not pressuring myself to be anything other than who I am and being open to, and embracing the many ways in which I change over the days,the months and the years.
Finding my Natural Rhythm and Growing with each cycle!
