At first, I don't know what I want to confess. I feel as though I have nothing to admit about some of my mistakes. I don't need to justify my reasoning to people or anyone. But since this is a blogging challenge, I'll try to pick one of my mildest sin, being a bad minimalist.
Confession
My minimalism journey started three years ago. I started the lifestyle along side this blog. I was distressed with my surrounding and I was a nomad. So, my primary goal was to be mobile and free. Another goal of mine was also creating a neater and cleaner environment where I can conveniently work inside my room. Three years later, I still carry that minimalism into my identity. It has been ingrained into myself and becoming a part of me. However, the journey has never been that easy.
There are internal and external factors which are influencing my contradictory behavior as a minimalist. First, I am a recovering shopaholic. Second, I grew up in a family with low financial literacy. Third, I am mostly broke. Fourth, I am not living in a pent house surrounded with expensive things. Fifth, my family is not minimalist. Those factors greatly influence my minimalist journey.
I felt insignificant when I checked minimalist communities on youtube, twitter and instagram where they truly own nice things and not like me, borderline poor. At some point, I thought about minimalism is just a westernized and romanticism of poverty. " Why would you want to have less?" asked a friend one time. I replied, because I am a minimalist, which was actually a dumb reply.
Along the way, I forgot my reason, the reasons why I started the journey. This made me feel like in order to be a minimalist I must own x amount of things, wear same color, live in a nice apartment, own iphone and macs, and when I have more, I am no longer a minimalist.
Truth is, I still hoard books. I have more than 20 books on my shelves and that probably will make me a bad minimalist; a minimalist use digital reader, not a paperbook.This reason alone is why I distance myself with the minimalist community. I feel as though my goals and them are far more different. I am not a purist and I won't judge anyone for having more than X amount of things in their life. As long as it gives them a piece of mind and contentment, why not?
I was never an organized person to begin with. When I started this journey, I see how freeing it was to be an organized person. My mom praised me for finally being a responsible adult. My family was hopeful that I am not going to succumb into my antics forever. They are happy that they would not find me laying on bed with pile of books and papers. However, they were also complaining how my tolerance to clutter was lowering. As if even a tiny scrap of paper will make me lash out.
Another aspect that I am trying to recover is the impact of excessively integrating minimalism and slow living which made my productivity even lower. These things should help me with being more intentional, so why didn't it?
I am an adrenaline chaser, I can not live my life without some sort of danger or excitement aspect to it. I like living a fast life and enjoying life to the fullest which requires money. So, I am generally a hard worker. On the other hand, minimalism and slow living endorse work-life balance. I can achieve work-life balance but in my own way, not through the other people ways. I can juggle my work, my relationship,and whatever is the obstacle out there. However, I find being stuck in the theoretical aspect on how to work-life balance is counterproductive. It makes me even more lazier than I was and unhappy.
I did some mini research to check if people my age have their shit together, apparently not. Even anyone slightly older than me, don't have their shit together. They still drink way too much cans of monster, sleepless, and a lot of unhealthy things that is nowhere near the idea of work-life balance. They are six feet deep into debts, have shitty jobs, overworking themselves, and addicted to spending money. At some point, I asked myself, am I missing out on life? though, I clearly don't think such life is what I aspire. But it was nice to know that I am at least a bit more ahead than everyone else.
Have I always been intentional with my choices? the answer is no. Sometimes I just do things without second thoughts. I do it because I want it and that will make me happy. So, I think this makes me a bad minimalist. I have not successfully being intentional with my choices and my decision.
Those are some of the things that I find contradicting my label as a "minimalist". However, I do aspire to be more consistent in the future and hopefully, my family will be keen to become more clutter free. MacIf you want to join this 30 Days blogging with me, feel free to do so ! I'd be happy to have other hivers doing this with me.
