It’s taken a year and a half but I guess that’s what it takes to get 12 years of being a people pleasing enneagram 1 with some 9 to lay down the plans and perfection for rest and wholesome family connection.
Almost 13 years ago I started volunteering full time (some of it at the office and some of it at home) for a wonderful organisation that I still love dearly. After 7 years of volunteering I then was asked to come on staff for 5 years until life changed a year and a half ago. The work and vision of the organisation are admirable and I am proud to have laid down so many years for the cause.
But being the striver, driver and perfectionist that I am, I tend to lean towards a constant 100% and excellence is an ever moving target of getting better.
I’ve always believed that if what I can bring on a certain day is my very best for that day, then that was excellent. If it happens to be better or worse the next time, but I still did my best, then that is excellent too!
But I think over time I lost the art of authentically connecting with those closest to me and embracing real rest.
Taking the annual holiday is not necessarily rest of you slot straight back into the routine once you’re back. Yes you may have got some extra hours of sleep and seen the sights but have you switched off from humdrum of work? I struggled with that.
Over the years we did various personality and strengths tests some of them being the enneagram and the other the Clifton Strengths tests and I found them very interesting. Firstly because they both confirmed each other, even when done a couple years apart. And secondly because they helped me understand why I am how I am and how I can maybe take the edge off some of those qualities.
My major number one strength from Clifton was a MAXIMISER by far! That means that I constantly want to lift levels, make things better and help take others on that journey with my. It suited my role as a Creative Producer perfectly as I coordinated various stage production, media, cast and wardrobe teams like a choir conductor. I made the teams run efficiently and kept projects on track on tight deadlines.
According to enneagram I am a ONE - perfectionist, with some NINE - the peacemaker. The perfectionist lines up beautifully with the Maximiser while the peacemaker wants to keep the peace, reduce conflict and stress. Harmonious busy-ness is probably how I would describe the scene in my regular job.
Amongst the crazy producing, long hours, and constant striving for excellence I definitely got TIRED. I wasn’t tired of my job, I loved my job. I wasn’t tired of the people, I really loved the people. But I think I got tired of not having authentic connection with my family and some real friends.
It’s a trap to think you have real friends at work when it doesn’t go deeper than seeing them at the office. And don’t get me wrong we were incredibly intentional about coffees, catch-ups and lunches away from the office, but it’s just not the same as having a casual get together at home over a relaxed meal and a glass of something nice.
I think I was inwardly yearning for real rest, away from the busy-ness and that real connection with people that I wasn’t put together with due to organisational structure.
So a year and a half ago I quit my job in tears. I am very lucky that my husband has always said that I don’t have to work in the full time sense of the word. He supported me being home more and knew that my years of dedication had taken a toll even though I loved it so much.
It had had some pro’s though. My husband had began to help around the house more. My kids had become teens and had take more responsibility. We had organised lift clubs and easy lunches they could prepare themselves and we had split up the dinner schedules so that everyone had a night to prep dinner for the family. It actually all worked well. It also meant that our down time was family time. It worked well for a long time.
I think the change that I needed wasn’t about the work. It was about me channelling my creativity in new ways. Being available to new people. And having the time to be more present wherever I happened to be.
We had already begun the journey in November 2019, so I can’t say that COVID was the cause for any of it. But lockdowns definitely helped to reinforce the changes that we had decided to make. It changed some of our practical plans, but reinforced the lifestyle change that we had been yearning for.
A year and a half later I am able to say that I am fitter, more creative out of my own being and have more authentic connection with new friends. It’s taken time but I am focussed on a healthy lifestyle of Hiking, running and bootcamp with our awesome squad of ladies. I blog here on hive daily and photograph every new experience and am so much more aware of my surroundings than I used to be. Nature is my playground. And through having time and being open, I have found new friends in unlikely places that I would never have met had we not made this change.
These days we can enjoy a family vacation and really really rest and enjoy being wherever we happen to be. The connections aren’t forced or planned. They happen more naturally and easily. We can decide at the spirit of the moment to head out for frozen yoghurt and enjoy every moment of it.
I guess if I took those same strength and personality tests today the results may differ slightly. But I’m in no rush to do them.
Life is good. And now we have the time to appreciate it!
PS. This whole blog was inspired by my daughter taking me out for Marcel’s English Toffee frozen yoghurt with extra fudge.
For those who are interested the Enneagram tests can be found for free online with a quick google search. The Clifton Strengths assessment is a paid for assessment that goes into your various strengths by category. They also have a brilliant website for more information.