Surviving and fighting alone in this time of crisis was never easy. Despite the life-threatening of going outside. I decided to be tough and flexible. I was doing it for the only purpose. To finish all the training and soon to be on board the ship. It was hard because I didn't receive good support from my family financially. I thought they were experiencing the same as me. It's better to resolve my problems for now. I thought all I needed was their moral support to continue on this kind of life. However, it broke my heart when I'm almost done of my training and this what I heard from them.
"Don't go home because you'll be put in quarantine. What if that company will ask you to be on board and you are home and need to put another day of quarantine?" It broke my heart because they didn't believe what I explained to them why I need to go home. I told them that it's because of money and I can't support my food every day. The value of hive, for now, is not enough in weekly power down. I told her but we still ended an argument about going home. I'm disappointed and feeling hopeless about this kind of situation right now.
I understood them, totally. They were just concerned about my future. I know what they're thinking but they didn't know what I'm thinking that I decided to be at home first. Am I just a nuisance to them that they don't want me to be home considering my situation here far from them? I told them my reasons already but they didn't want to follow my plans. It hurts me emotionally that I'm starting to be confused about what I must do for now. Going home or not until my disappointment to them will fade.
I hate this kind of feeling when it concerns family. I'm weak in this part that I'm easily feeling hopeless in my life. Words are coming into my mind to hate myself or just ignore them. I don't know what to decide anymore that I have bo idea what's the best thing to do for now. Just fuck this covid that ruining everything. I shouldn't experience this kind of hardship if this virus didn't exist. But it can't be helped, it's already happening now. Whether I like it or not, as of now I'm not okay.
thank you for reading
image is mine
Huawei p8p8
d' dreamboy,
@mrnightmare89