This is called a "bucket" of coffee at one of our local cafe's. It is a cup so big you could almost have an entire meal of soup out of it! (See the very large smartphone next to it for size comparison). Somewhere in my mind, years ago, I started linking coffee with company and apparently my gorgeously simple human mind equates "more coffee" with "more company".
Of course it doesn't work that way; more coffee just means more liquid, more caffeine and more money spent on coffees 😂 But maybe it does mean sitting at the table longer and having an excuse to chat for longer.
Or maybe it's just me trying to fill a hole.
See several years ago I found a somewhat effective way to deal with the loneliness I was feeling whilst living as an expat in Bali: I went to a cafe, I ordered a coffee and I sat with my laptop and worked, hoping that I would end up having a conversation with a fellow cafe patron, or a staff member.
Often one or both of these would happen, which was great! I'd leave the cafe feeling more connected (and, of course, more caffeinated!). But the neurological connection I had formed inside my brain -- coffee = company -- got even more reinforcement when I returned from Bali and was living full time with someone who worked 45 minutes drive away, leaving me home, alone, without any company.
Soon I worked out that I could go across the road to the tiny set of shops and order a coffee from the pizza and kebab shop. They had surprising good coffee and the young guy working there soon worked out a great way to do my "soy dirty chai" order.
We also got along like a house on fire. So any time I was feeling lonely, disconnected or unmotivated to work on my business I would go and get a coffee from my mate. Despite our big age difference and our different ethnic and religious backgrounds (or maybe because of them?) we had awesome conversations that would sometimes last 30 or 40 minutes, interrupted by a slow but steady stream of other customers who would come in for any number of things.
We talked about life and love and health and beliefs. We talked about things that were bothering him that he didn't feel like he could tell most people, and I would share my successes and frustrations I was facing in my solo business.
We naturally communicated on things that were deep, meaningful and important with each other and we learned to switch to code or "light" conversation when anyone with fluent English came within earshot.
I have since left that town and that city, and I miss my mate as I think of him now -- our relationship very much contextual and tied to my daily coffee habit. But, as anyone who has done any kind of self reflection knows, I have taken myself with me.
And while I now live with a partner I adore, and I get chunks of company every afternoon, evening and weekend, I still notice how -- when I'm feeling lonely -- I still reach for a cold brew coffee from our fridge. Even though there's no one to drink it with. Even though the coffee itself does not actually "keep me company", my mind has tied those two things together so strongly that I have been struggling to tear them apart -- even when I'm well rested and really don't feel like caffeine.
At some point I'll do a process (using EFT tapping) to separate coffee from company and give myself the ability to actively choose again when (or even "if") I want to drink coffee. But for now my mind is happy to be aware of this problem but does not want to fix it.
For now, my coffee habit stays and I'll continue drinking those buckets of dirty chai, with or without company, and endeavour to enjoy them ♥️