What have been some of your life's greatest surprises?
My answer:
"He's still looking so good", I mused as I watched him alight from his car. That life has treated him well was damn too obvious. He must be 53 or thereabout, I tried to ransack my brain to connect to the past but it happened many years ago, how was I supposed to remember that tiny detail? But aha! I do remember, he would be 53 in the next few weeks, the date and the month of his birth, a memory primly tucked away in a section of my medulla. "Excellent ", I smiled as I tapped myself on the shoulder, our birthdays were just a few weeks apart, my memory recalled that and it also recalled that I was the one who "ditched" this 'very nice guy'. As his eyes searched for me in the crowd with his cellphone glued to his ears, ready to put a call across, he saw me, yes he did! It was magical as he quickly made his way towards me. I was hit by a wave of emotions and memories, emotions I had felt aeons ago and had thought buried in some graveyard. We couldn't help ourselves as we flew into each other's arms. We had too much history not to feel the sparks. It was a long drawn kiss and I shyly broke away as I heard a resounding ovation for our.. free performance.
Through our dinner date, we just acted like two young lovebirds. But the song he asked them to play in the background really got me, "You're Still The One" By Shania Twain, a 1997 classic. As it played, he searched my face, pleading for another chance, but you know so much water had passed under the bridge. He was married now and I had been married once, I wouldn't come between a man and his wife, I wouldn't be able to, I told him so".
"You are not taking anyone's place, you are taking your place". Tears trickled down my face, regrets, why did I let this guy slip through my fingers, he didn't deserve the treatment I shoved down his throat back then, I was young, naive and inexperienced, especially in heart matters. I was looking for more, he was a fresh graduate seeking for employment and I was still a student in the university, he wanted marriage and I calculated that he was too young. He was 23, I was 21 when we met, we were so much in love and for two years, it was heaven on earth, but I always felt he was too young to be tied down, so one day, I just left.
He didn't let those tears fall, he just kissed them away.
"I would never let you shed another tear".
I felt a soothing, an inner peace, was this love opportunity knocking again after all these years?
Was I not too old to be feeling these kind of emotions again? The multiple heartbeats, these flittery, fluttery, butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of feeling? Have I not grown past this stage?
How am I feeling all sorts for a guy I loved but let go thirty years ago?
There and then, I really couldn't help but accept the fact that, "No I haven't lost my desire to be loved! I want to love and be loved more than I can ever know."
The heart doesn't grow old, it beats on. Even when your body gets frail.
Then came the very surprising part; my heart has not grown a day older, since I was a young girl of 21.
So what is all this rambling about? An ex is back in my life...After thirty years. He found me out! It really is a global village out there on the internet... hehehehe!
Being alone sucks. Sorry, I've been alone alot in my adult life, and I hate it. I like solitude sometimes but not as a fixed diet. Everyone wants to be loved, longs to be loved, no matter what age and yours faithfully is no exception.
I think the need to be loved, by the right person, is stronger as one ages but I was not of that opinion months earlier.
I understood very early that not everyone is going to love you the way you want them to and that many more won't feel any qualm breaking your heart and littering it all over the place. It hurts, it's true, just like a dagger to the chest. But then the pain became familiar. I got to know it, I acknowledged it, I have scars, some running so deep, to remind me of that pain in the past. Then I decided at a point that it was not worth the agony. I signed out!
But here I am changing the narrative, to my greatest surprise. The desire to be loved is a human emotion and being human does not expire after 50. I tell you I have never met an ex who touched me in this way after such a long time (not even my ex husband). Love has not been a stroll in the park for me and that kind of love which denies self, embraces sacrifice for the one you love, and never erodes or grows stale has been particularly elusive, for me.
Why did I ever think that with age would come less feelings? I am still human, people, just a few years older.... hehehehe.
This time I discovered that the heart doesn't stop feeling emotions, doesn't stop loving.You are still the same person inside.
My heart really did surprise me on this one! A very beautiful surprise!
This is in response to an initiative of @ericvancewalton, to make us walk down memory lane and relive those moments long gone, keeping them alive for our future generations.
Here's the link
In a year from now you’ll have a legitimate memoir that you can pass along to future generations of your family. But what I really hope is it provides a valuable glimpse into your inner self.
Thank you @ericvancewalton for this noble initiative. 😊
I am @edith-4angelseu and thank you for stopping by my neighbourhood.